Celebrating a life: the final goodbye

How do you sum up a life in just a few pictures and words?  Especially a life as full as my dad's.  At his core, he was just a small town boy.  A farm kid who grew up in a simpler time.  A hunter and fisherman. A hard working, decent man who cared about people, loved his family, and worked hard his whole life. He was overall a pretty happy guy with a memorable chuckle and a smile on his face-as I heard time and time again this week.  Apparently I share that smile and twinkle in his eye because I heard that more than once too.   

My dad was the oldest child and the first grandchild in his family.  When he was born in 1947 there were four previous generations still living on his paternal grandmothers side of the family.  My great grandma-Lila (Johnston) Struck and her father and grandmother are pictured above with my dad and his dad.  Great Grandma Lila was still living when Nicol was born and we were able to get a 5 generation picture in 1989 too.  Three of the five people pictured lived for over 90 years.  I've always loved this picture.  Dad was a pretty cute kid!

My dad had 4 siblings-2 sisters and 2 brothers.  Here is pictured with my Aunt Jackie.  

When he was in high school, dad played football.  He was a lifelong supporter of Chesaning athletics and every Friday night when I was growing up, if there was a home game, I knew right where I'd find my dad in the stands.  I have some fond memories of going to games with him when Nicol was young too.  I'm glad she got to be part of that family tradition for a while.  He was also a member of the FFA.  I think he really enjoyed showing steer at the county fairs.  Going to the fair to watch my Uncle Charles show steer was a big part of my childhood.  

He graduated from high school in June of 1966, and the following Monday started his job with the Saginaw County Road Commission. Somehow, I don't have any pictures of him with his big orange truck, but I have lots of memories of visiting him out on a job or at the county garage.  He worked for the road commission for 37 years.  We'd always wave if we saw a county truck because we knew all of the guys driving them when I was a kid.  I still wave at the snow plow trucks when they drive by today, even though I don't know the drivers, I hope they know I appreciate them.  

Just a few months into his first year at the county, dad was drafted into the Army for the Vietnam War.  It was an especially hard time for my grandma, as you can imagine.  My dad did his basic training at Fort Campbell in Kentucky.  He was chosen to be a medic and following basic training, spent 16 weeks in medic training at Fort Sam Houston in Texas.  When he completed medic training he was sent off to Fort Carson outside of Colorado Springs.  He was stationed there for several months until he was called up to serve in Vietnam.  He had furlough time and was allowed to travel home for Christmas in 1967 before leaving for Vietnam in January, 1968 at the height of the Tet Offensive.

As a medic, he was at an increased risk of being shot, but he served his country bravely.  The guys there affectionately called him Doc.  I have heard so many stories over the years about his time in Vietnam, but I know that he kept the worst of them from us.  I can't imagine the horrible things that he saw while he was there.  I'm just so grateful that he made it home.  

He turned 21 while serving in Vietnam, and my grandma sent him an entire cake with frosting and decorations packed separately.  He told me that they all returned to base camp the day of his birthday to the package and he and the guys frosted and decorated the cake and had a little party.  It seemed like a good memory of his time there.  About a month after his birthday, he was finally sent home, arriving in time to celebrate the holidays with his family again.  He felt very lucky that he never missed a Christmas at home during his service. 

While I think he struggled with feeling proud of his service in his younger days, I know he grew more proud of what he had sacrificed and his whole family was so proud of him too.  During a recent conversation we had, he and I talked about how lucky he felt to have come home safely.  He was so happy he had gotten the chance to raise a family and have grandkids because he was very aware that so many were lost at such a young age and didn't have that same opportunity.  I think it made him appreciate his life just a little more.

Some time not long after coming home, he met my mom and they were married on November 1, 1969.  I was born the following year and my brother came a few years later.  I have so many fond memories of laying on the floor with dad in front of the stereo listening to the Beatles, chasing lightning bugs in the yard, fishing with dad and his Grandpa Nixon on Higgins Lake, and dad making breakfast on Sunday mornings.  But some of my fondest memories of my earlier years are of dad, Mark, and me all playing in a makeshift tent under the card table.  Mark had bronchitis and then asthma, so they'd stick the humidifier with Vicks under the table, cover it with a blanket, and we'd all crawl under to play.  I didn't realize it was to help Mark breath better at the time.  I just thought we were having fun with dad.  The smell of Vicks still makes me smile and I remember those times fondly.

We moved into our house in December 1977 and shortly after, brought home Mandy.  The best little Brittany Spaniel ever!   When she was just a puppy, she got scared off by a big thunderstorm.  I was so worried about her out in the dark, stormy night.  But my dad went out despite the lightning and finally found her and got her safely home.  He recently told me that my mom had asked him that night why he wasn't afraid being out in the storm and he had responded "I survived Vietnam so nothing scares me."  I'm glad that they both made it home safely through that storm because I have lots of great memories of going out with dad, Mark, and Mandy pheasant hunting over the years. 

While I clashed with my dad more than I'd like to admit as a teenager, I think a lot of it was because we were so similar.  But no matter how crazy things got, both of my parents were there to support me.  Nothing made that clearer than when I had to tell them that I was pregnant at 18 and in my first year of college.  There was no anger, no yelling, no disowning me...they both just stepped up to be there for me.  And that support never stopped.  

When Nicol was born, dad stepped into the role of grandpa, and honestly, it was the role that he was meant to play in life.  From the day she was born until his last breath, being a grandpa was his favorite part to play and he cherished all of his grandchildren.  From the weekly visits when I was in college and she was just a baby, to the weeks she'd spend with them every summer, all of the sporting events, and so many other little moments, he was there for her.

Nicol loved spending time with both of her grandparents and they loved being a part of her life. They became softball, basketball, and soccer fans, attended band concerts, and bought countless boxes of Girl Scout cookies.  And somehow over the years, she learned so much from my dad.  She's handy and able to fix things, loves to work with her hands, and has his creative brain.  Somehow that skipped a generation!

My dad was a life-long fisherman. I can't tell you the number of people who told me stories about fishing with my dad.  He especially loved bass fishing, but he did lots of bluegill fishing with the grandkids over the years and we had some amazing fish frys with those delicious little fish.

I have lots of good memories of camping with my parents at Crooked Lake in the summer and many of those trips ended in a boat ride. 

Everyone loved to ride in the boat with dad...well I tolerated it because everyone else loved it.  Eventually I might have even started to get over my fear of boats a bit.  I'm going to really miss those rides in the boat with him.

He loved to go camping and he and my mom spent a lot of their summers after retirement at a variety of campgrounds.  Dad was always the chef on those trips.  

When I finally got some bird dogs of my own, I was excited to be able to get them out with dad for some hunting trips.  

I always loved walking through the woods with dad and watching a bird dog do what it was born to do.  

There is a 13 1/2 year age difference between Nicol and the second grandchild, my niece Sidnee, and my parents love to tell the story of  how they watched Nicol play in her final high school softball game, and then made the drive back to Chesaning to watch Sid play in her first tee ball game.  They've been watching grandchildren play sports since 1994.  Sadly, dad is going to miss Brezlyn's Senior year this year. But we know he'll be there in spirit. 

My dad has been there through so many sports.  Swim meets, roller hockey, volleyball, baseball, soccer, golf, football, basketball and softball.  

Whether he understood the sport or not, whether he liked it or not, he was there cheering on his favorite people.  And he was always so proud to share their successes with anyone who would listen.

He missed a lot over the last 18 months, but whenever he was able, he was there sitting in the bleachers, on the sideline, or in a golf cart, ready to cheer.  

When he learned that Nicol was pregnant and he was going to be a great grandpa, he was so excited for the new little one who would join our family.  Honestly, he may even have been more excited than I was.  And he welcomed Fiona with all of the love that he had welcomed his four grandchildren.  

He enjoyed spending time with that little girl so much, and she loved her great grandpa too.  

They would play with blocks and animals, she would show him her books and tell him stories.  On many occasions, she'd even ask Nicol if they could call great grandpa.  

I especially love that they got to spend time wandering around the yard together at my parents house and hunting alligator in the ditch.  The fun games she'd make up, the stories she'd tell him, and the time that they spent together meant so much to him.  And in the last few months, she made a point of painting pictures for great grandpa to hang on his wall.  Those pictures gave him so much joy.  I just wish he could have been around longer to watch her grow up.  I hope that she'll remember him and some of the memories that they made together.  I will certainly continue to tell her just how much he loved her.  

I have lots of stories and memories to cherish for years, but most of all, I'm going to cherish the time that I got to spend with him over the last 18 months.  We shared so many stories, memories, and special moments that I am beyond grateful to have gotten.  The picture above is just us chatting while at Nicol's house last Thanksgiving, and I absolutely love it.  

This past week has been busy.  But it has also given me some really special moments to cherish.  Sidnee had flown in from Arizona on a red-eye flight last Friday to spend some time with her grandpa, only to land and learn that he had passed away while she was on the plane.  Brezlyn was on a school trip to Europe and was in Paris when she received the news.  I was heartbroken for both girls because I know how much they loved him.  But it was really nice to have Sid home for the week and to be able to spend time with her. 

We spent the day Monday at my parent's house looking through pictures and preparing for the funeral.  Nicol, Sidnee, Fiona, and I all talking and sharing memories and laughing.  It was so nice.  Then the four of us went to the florist to pick the flowers for the funeral.  Nicol wanted the grandkids to all be able to help with the choice and while Brezlyn wasn't physically with us, we knew she would approve of the choices.  Fiona insisted that she must pick out her flowers for great grandpa. and of course we included her.  She made an excellent choice, insisting on purple flowers.

So much planning and prepping went into the next couple of days, but Thursday arrived before we knew it. 

The flowers we picked got so many compliments.  The casket spray was a green and white display that I chose because of his love of MSU.

The grandkids had picked a display that was a little more wild and free and it was beautiful too.  And Fiona's purple flowers just may have been my favorites.  

Brezlyn arrived home in the wee hours of Thursday morning and had to be absolutely exhausted during the visitation.  We were all so glad to have her home.  Fiona was a little ray of sunshine on Thursday through the hours of the visitation.  She loved bossing Sid and Brez around and then was especially happy when my cousin Rachel arrived with her little ones, who were the perfect aged playmates for Fiona.  She'd periodically take breaks from playing to drag someone up to the casket with her to tell great grandpa a story.  He heard lots of stories that night.  

Finally on Friday morning, we said our final goodbye.  Everyone said it was a beautiful service.  Then we gathered with family and friends for a meal and more memories.  Boy was it a long day by the time that everyone left and we had to return to the funeral home to gather our flowers and everything else left behind.  We all ended up at my moms for a bit, but I finally had to leave to get home to the girls.  I was exhausted and headed to bed early.  

After a quiet start to our Saturday morning, I knew I had to get the girls out for some fun.  I was gone so much this week and they really hadn't gotten much exercise.  I knew that they deserved an adventure.  Of course our first stop was a visit to Preuss Pets, then I had planned to take a walk around Old Town.  

Since Lansing's Pride Fest was going on in Old Town, parking was hard to find, but we finally found a spot to park and took a nice peaceful, shady walk along the River Trail into Old Town.  Then we walked around Old Town where the girls got lots of love and attention along with a good walk.  By the time we were done, they were both pooped.  All of that fun was just what they needed, and we had a very quiet Saturday evening.

I have so much to do around the house, but I'm not sure I'm up for chores today.  I think I'll get the girls out for some fun and then maybe just relax and rest up for my return to work tomorrow.  After two weeks out of the office, I'm not sure I'm ready to go back. But life must go on no matter how much we may want it to stand still a while longer.  It is certainly going to be different without my visits to dad.   

In the end

Last Sunday we celebrated what would become my dad's final Father's day.  We had counted down the days to the occasion on the calendar hanging in his room, which my mom had marked with a square around the date.  When I had visited Dad the Friday before Father's day, he was excited about the special Father's Day luncheon that would be held on Sunday afternoon, and I was excited we'd all be there with him.

I got there in the morning, before anyone else had arrived, and he was sitting up in his wheel chair watching Daniel Boone.  He loved all of the old Westerns on TV and had seen many of them multiple times.  We talked about Fess Parker and how dad had met him in Vietnam.  We enjoyed our morning visit together until my mom arrived when we went down to the cafeteria for lunch.  Nicol, Tyler, and Fiona arrived while dad ate lunch, and we all chatted while he ate.  

When he was done, we went outside to sit in the sun for a bit, but we didn't stay long because he was feeling tired and wanted to rest for a bit.  So he went back inside and after he settled in, we all joined him to continue our visit. Fiona sat on his bed and she was tickling him and laughing.  Dad wasn't feeling up to joining the Father's day cookout, but the rest of us all got some food and sat with him a while longer.  Mason joined us for part of our visit, and it was nice to see him.   Slowly, we all began to leave, and I finally left when I could tell that dad just needed some rest.  It wasn't the best day for him, but I know he was happy that we had all been there to visit him.

Monday started my week of vacation, and I was happy to just stay home and work in the yard for a few days.  I worked in the garden, and finally got it all ready for the Summer, with the exception of putting up the fence that I normally use to keep the girls out of it.  Mina happily made herself at home next to the tomatoes.  She loves lying in the dirt.  

On Tuesday, I spent another productive day at home.  It felt great to work in the yard on a nice day.  After a good day at home, I got into the car and headed out for my Tuesday evening visit with my dad.  He had a CT scan scheduled for 8pm that night and an ambulance service was scheduled to pick him up to transport him to the hospital where my mom was planning to meet him for his appointment.  I was happy to stay with him and visit while we waited for the ambulance to arrive.  He wasn't very talkative, but we had a nice visit and I made sure he was safely in the ambulance and on his way to the hospital before I finally headed home for the night. 

On Wednesday, I had decided that we'd get out for a little morning fun before storms moved into the area.  So we headed out for a visit to Padgett Park Dog Park before a visit to the farm to pick up some fresh strawberries.  

On the way home from Dewitt, we stopped in Old Town for a walk around town, and the girls insisted that we also make a visit to Preuss Pets.  Mina's new favorite thing to do there is to go into the garden center and watch the Koi in the pond.  Peaches seemed to enjoy it too.

We started the drive home to beat the rain, when I looked at the radar and noticed that the forecasted rain was now expected later in the afternoon, so we made a quick detour over to campus for a nice walk.  It was humid, but we definitely enjoyed it.

Afterward, we finally headed home for lunch.  After eating, the girls settled in for a quiet afternoon and evening at home.  The storms finally arrived after 5:30, so I unfortunately had to cancel our shelter dog walk for Wednesday evening.  But it was nice to spend a quiet evening at home after a really good day.

 

For my Thursday visit with dad, I had decided I would make a morning visit.  He was always more alert in the morning, and I was excited to get outside with him for a bit and join him during therapy.  He was up when I arrived, but was obviously still a little tired.  I sat on the bed and talked with him for a while, then we decided to take a walk around the facility.  We sat in a common area and talked for awhile, and then we headed to the cafeteria for our visit.  My mom arrived right around lunch time, and Nicol and Fiona showed up shortly after mom.  We all sat with dad in the cafeteria visiting while he ate.  He wasn't very talkative, but we enjoyed a little conversation.  After lunch, Nicol, Fiona, and I took him to the common area to visit a bit more before he had therapy.  He really had been wanting a picture with Fiona, so I was happy to snap this one.  Little did I know at the time that it would be the last picture anyone took of him.  Before he headed into therapy, I gave him a hug and then we headed into the gym for his therapy time.  During a short break to catch his breath, I hugged him again and told him good bye.  We talked about the work trip I was about to take and I told him I'd see him in a week.  I told him I loved him and waved as I left the room and he continued his therapy.  I didn't think it would be the last time I talked to my dad...

On Friday morning, the girls and I loaded up the car to start our drive toward Minnesota.  I had to be in Minneapolis by Sunday morning for a work conference for the week, and I wanted to take our time and enjoy a little fun along the way.  The traffic in Chicago was terrible and really slowed us down, but we weren't in a hurry so that was okay.

We stopped at a Love's Truck Stop north of Chicago so the girls could stretch their legs and take a potty break.  It was so hot that we didn't stay long, but it was just what they needed.  Afterward, they settled in for a quiet ride. 

We drove through beautiful Northern Illinois and stopped for a few quick pictures along the way.  Then we finally arrived in Dubuque Iowa.

We checked out the view and visited a few of the highlights around town.  But it was a short visit because it was just too hot to do anything.  

I stopped in a couple of small towns along the drive north checking out some small sights and stretching my legs.

And I was excited to run into this little taco truck in one small town, just when I was ready to stop for a bite to eat.  I ordered a quesadilla and it was delicious!

We continued on through the farmlands of Iowa, enjoying the beauty along the way, and before leaving the state, I made sure to grab a picture of the girls to prove they'd been there.  After all, this was Mina's first time in Iowa.

We arrived at our hotel in southern Minnesota before sunset, unpacked the car, and settled in for the night.  It had been a long day on the road, but we had enjoyed the drive.  I was excited for a quiet  Friday night and the chance to sleep in a bit on Saturday morning before getting out to explore the area.  But that was not to be.

It was 4:24am CT when my phone rang with the call from my mom that I knew would come some day, but that I didn't expect that morning.  She had just received a call from the rehab that my dad had died.  I didn't react, I just listened and then told her I'd pack up and head home soon.  After I hung up the phone, Peaches crawled up onto the bed with me to give me a little extra love.  I sure do love that girl.

I immediately showered, packed the car, and then got the girls out for a little walk since it wasn't too hot yet.  We stopped at a small dog park next to the hotel for a potty break, and then headed back to the hotel to check out, grab a bagel, and then start our drive home. 

Other than a couple of stops to get gas and stretch my legs, we just kept driving toward home.  It was too hot for any activity, and I just wanted to get home.  I grabbed a late lunch and the drive went smoothly.  When we got back to Lansing, we picked up some ice cream and the girls and I celebrated my dad's life the best way we knew how in the moment-with an ice cream party.  I talked to my mom on a few occasions and she was with my brother and his family so she was okay.  I had a headache and needed some sleep, so I headed to bed early.  It had been a really long day.

Today, I spent the day with my mom, on my 55th birthday, planning my dad's funeral.  We saw an eagle in the field down from their house on the way back home.  It was another exhausting day and I need rest, but I didn't want to miss writing today.  I'll say more about my dad next week.