Cherish the Moments

Do you have day of the year that makes you more emotional and more reflective than other days?  A day that comes around every year and makes you think back to a point in time that was difficult or sad or painful or happy?  I'm sure that you do.  For me, one of those dates is September 28 because on September 28, 2012, I did something I had never done before.  I made the choice to let go of someone I loved dearly, to relieve him of his suffering, and send him to a better place.  That is the day that we said goodbye to our beloved boy, Jake.

It is hard for me to believe that it's been 6 years since I last saw him.  Time has gone so quickly.  I think of him often, but this time of year always makes me think of him more as I remember all that I did in the last months of his life to try to keep him happy and comfortable and living a good life.  

Over those last months, he had good and bad days; we celebrated small victories-things like him eating his full dinner or just wanting to go outside and sniff around a bit.  I remember watching him and thinking how unprepared I was to lose him.  But after months of watching him slowly wither away to a skeleton of his former self, he had finally had enough and with one look from those beautiful brown eyes, I knew what I had to do.  And I let him go, surrounded by everyone who truly loved him.  It was a peaceful moment, full of love and sadness and relief that he wasn't suffering any more.  

I think back on that final week and remember specific moments and I know that he knew how much he was loved and I know that I did right by him.  I have no regrets with the choices that I made. But still, every year, I feel a little sad when this week and day roll around again.  And this year, with Imke's failing health, it has only seemed to make things harder...those memories of my boy, her first best friend.   

It seems to be a reminder that every day we draw a little closer to the day that I'll have to say goodbye to my special girl.  I try not to make that a focus of my thoughts, but it creeps in there periodically and makes my heart ache.  

  

Thankfully Imke is having mainly good days and we've gotten into a solid routine.  I've adjusted to the quirks of an old lady who has to rush outside mid-breakfast to potty or occasionally vomit up everything she just ate, only to come back in the house to heartily eat the rest of her breakfast and then head back to bed.  I've adjusted to the times when, even though she really tries, she doesn't quite make it outside and I have to pick up an occasional poop by the door.  Or the days when her arthritis is acting up a bit more and she needs a helping hand to stand up or a little boost into the bed to snuggle with me.  

Still, she is always ready for a boost into the Jeep so we can take a drive, and she reminds me on a daily basis that she refuses to miss her daily walk. She also tries really hard some days to get Peaches to play with her.  She always has been the first one to initiate a good round of chase or tug.  And she still believes a good bark in my direction will make me jump to do whatever it is that she wants me to do...and generally, she's right.  Because right now at this moment, all I want to do is spoil her every minute of every day.  

I have learned to sit outside just to watch  her wander around the yard to see the joy in her eyes as a rabbit or squirrel run by and she turns into a great huntress, completely unaware of her own limitations or that she isn't the fine athletic specimen she used to be.  I have been reminded that, although we've had a lot of great adventures and exciting moments in our lives together, the simple joy of have her burrow under the covers to snuggle up beside me in bed is so much more special.  The everyday moments that we share are what makes a life...the little things that aren't shared with the world are the really special moments and are the things that will be most missed.  

We are still planning fun new things and going on small adventures together.  It feels like we have so much to do still, but I'm reminding myself everyday to enjoy the moment we are in right now and cherish every moment we have because every one  is special.  I hope you are cherishing the moments you have with those who are important to you.