2018

As we near the end of another year, I can't help stopping to reflect on what this year has meant to me.  I've recently had a couple of people say to me that I've had a rough year. And, honestly, some not so good things have happened this year.  But when I think back on the year I've had, I don't think of it as a bad year at all.  Actually, this year has been pretty amazing. While I know many people who have had some real struggles this year, when I think of 2018, I think of the amazing journey it took me on with some amazing people and my amazing girls.

We rang in the new year at home and within that first week, I made the journey North to pick up a new foster dog in Roscommon County.  Who knew when I took that journey that I'd be bringing that foster dog into my home forever?  Although Peaches was diagnosed with cancer and our time with her is limited, I am so glad that she came into my life this year.  She has reminded me what it's like to have a goofy, silly, fun-loving youngster in the house.  She is so full of life and love and has been an absolute joy to have here with us.

We reached our goal of hiking 100 miles on the North Country Trail for the third year in a row, and most importantly, we walked all 100 miles together.  It wasn't always easy, but it was so rewarding.   I learned a lot about the heart of one little dog.  Her drive to keep going, to never give up, and to always be there for me.  I always learn a lot about myself, too, when we're out there on the trail alone. It was an amazing year on the trail and I look forward to doing it again!

We made it to Alaska! More than anything we did this year, reaching this goal of making our trip of a lifetime together to Alaska defines the year for me.  While the ultimate goal was to get to State Capitol #49 with Imke, this road trip with three brown-spotty girls was so much more than just that.  It took me out of my comfort zone, it took us thousands of miles away from everything and everyone we knew.  It made me realize just how strong I am and that I can do anything if  just put my mind to it.  I made me believe in me and it helped me become a more confident person.  I am forever changed because of this journey. 

I don't think I'll ever forget that moment as we reached this sign welcoming us to Alaska.  It was such an amazing feeling being there with the three best travel buddies a girl could ever have. 

And ultimately, we reached that 49th Capitol, together.  So many miles, so many memories, such a great journey. 

While Imke got sick shortly after our return from Alaska, I was given the gift of additional time with her.  Time for one more trip to the beach, one more U.P. vacation, and one last chance to see everyone that was important in her life.  We were able to spend quality time together, knowing all to well that the end was coming much sooner than we had hoped, but thankful for every moment and every memory. 

I was especially grateful for this one last birthday celebration and a little taste of Hawaii for my travel companion.

We were able to finish a number of items on Peaches' bucket list, including a trip to Lake Erie, swimming in four Great Lakes, making new friends, going on some pretty grand adventures and celebrating Valentine's Day, St. Patrick' Day, Independence Day, Halloween Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  Tonight we will check another item off that list by ringing in the New Year together in Copper Harbor. 

So while I end the year without one special girl, I am lucky to have two amazing girls here with me to continue making more amazing memories.  It was a really good year and we look forward to continuing our adventures in 2019.  We hope that you all enjoy a Happy and Safe New Year.

The Spirit of Christmas

Good Morning and Merry Christmas.  As I sit here in my peaceful and quiet home watching the Yule Log channel, I thought I would take a moment to write a few words.  

This Christmas season hasn't been like any other I've experienced.  I am usually excited that the holidays are coming and I enjoy the days and weeks leading up to Christmas.  I love the giving spirit of the season and the fact that people become more generous.  I love doing nice things for others and the joy I get from helping those who are less fortunate.  I love the sparkling lights and the peace this season is meant to bring.  And for me, the best part of Christmas is Christmas Eve, when the hustle and bustle is over, and the stores are closed, and families gather to spend time together.  Here at my house that means Nicol comes home to celebrate with us, and really, I don't need anything more than that.

Since I was young, I've felt the joy of the Christmas season.  I fondly remember going into town with the Christmas decorations and the music playing in the streets. We would go into any one of the stores in town, mostly I remember shopping at the Ben Franklin, and after we finished shopping, we would go out into the streets hoping to see Santa.  He would be there, in the streets of Chesaning, with a bag over his shoulder and a supply of candy canes for anyone who would approach him to say hello.   It was so exciting to get a chance to tell him everything that I wanted for Christmas before he would return to the North Pole for the evening.  

The days would go by after our visit with Santa, and then on Christmas Eve, with all of the excitement of what was to come, we would jump into our van, drive into town to pick up a pizza, and then spend the evening driving around the country roads looking at all of the beautiful Christmas lights.  We would then return home and listen to Christmas music- there was always Gene Autry, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, the Ray Conniff Singers, and the Chipmunks.  Finally it was time for bed, and off we would go to await the arrival of Santa with all of our gifts.  It just felt magical.

As I grew older, things changed, but the magic of Christmas was always there.  Eventually, I would enter the world with a family of my own and we created our own Christmas traditions.  I still love Christmas and may even love it more as an adult than I did as a child.  I love to celebrate the season with traditions both old and new.  

But this year has just been different for me.  I haven't found joy in the things I normally would.  Somehow I missed the deadline to donate to Toys for Tots and the Angel Tree...I didn't even make it to the Toys for Tots event at Wonderland of Lights at the Potter Park Zoo this year, and I never miss that.  I love seeing the Marines in their dress uniforms gathering a truckload of toys donated by happy families going in to the Zoo to see the light display.  It is one of my favorite holiday traditions. 

My Christmas cards went out late, my Christmas shopping didn't start until about a week before Christmas; I didn't even feel like baking.  And while I finished my shopping before the crazy rush of last minute shoppers and my cards all reached their destinations in time, the Holiday spirit still didn't arrive. 

I did take the dogs out for our annual ride around Lansing to look at Christmas lights, a tradition I started with them a couple of years ago.  I grab a pizza and a Mt. Dew, turn on the Christmas music, and slowly drive around several neighborhoods to enjoy the holiday displays.  They always get a piece of pizza crust, and, if it's not too cold, I'll even roll down the windows so they can stick their heads out so they can take in all of the scents and sounds.  It has been a fun way to spend a Saturday night leading up to Christmas. 

As I have done for the last several years, I volunteered at the Holiday All-nighter at the animal shelter, but this year, I was not feeling as festive.  While I was happy that several cats and dogs found families of their own, it just didn't feel the same.

I had also planned to find some new Holiday traditions or new events to attend this year, but that was just not meant to happen.  I really just struggled to find the joy in the Holiday.  Despite the Christmas music that I've been listening to since Thanksgiving and the Christmas tree and decorations all around me, it didn't feel like Christmas.  

We finally reached the weekend before Christmas and I decided to take the girls for a walk around the State Capitol building to see the State Christmas tree.  It was a beautiful Friday night and the snow began to fall as we pulled out of the driveway.  We made our way downtown, found a parking spot, and jumped out of the car headed toward the tree.  

What a beautiful night it was.  There were other people around enjoying the evening as well and Peaches decided to make friends with as many as she could.  As we walked along, surrounded by the holiday lights and decorations, with Christmas music playing in the streets, it took me back to my childhood.  I was taken back to the days as a kid that we would go into Chesaning to shop and to look for Santa.  What a happy memory.  

And with that, I found a little of my Christmas spirit again.  I spent the weekend wrapping presents, watching silly Hallmark Christmas movies, and doing a little baking.  On Saturday, I had a nice dinner with friends and finished all of my prep for our Christmas Eve festivities.  It was a relaxing, quiet weekend at home with none of the holiday rush, and it was perfect.  

I even took the girls back downtown for another walk around on Sunday afternoon to take in a few more sounds of the season.

But when Christmas Eve arrived, it still didn't feel like Christmas. And that day, more than any before it, I felt that someone was missing.  I did my best to get into the spirit of the day because I knew I had to make a memorable Christmas with Peaches because I may not get another with her.  So before Nicol arrived for our evening celebrations, I took Maddie and Peaches for a fun run at the Softball fields down the road.  Watching the joy Peaches experienced just out running in the open field made me smile.  I think that may have been the best Christmas gift I could have given to her.

Nicol arrived and the girls were excited to see her.  We had our simple dinner and a few snacks, and then settled in to open our gifts.  Although it wasn't the same without Imke's excitement, Maddie enjoyed opening her gifts.  We tried really hard to teach Peaches about the joy of opening gifts as well, but she may just be a lost cause.  It was a good night, though, surrounded by those I love most in this world.  

This morning Maddie woke me up with some very special and very rare Maddie kisses.  After breakfast with a special Christmas treat added in, the girls had a few more gifts to open and then we snuggled up for a few quiet moments before I had to leave for the day to head to my parents for our family Christmas.

This Christmas was hard for many reasons, some I cannot even put into words.  I miss Imke and it is not the same celebrating this holiday without her, but also, for the first time in my life, I didn't stop at my grandparents on Christmas morning.  For much of my life, that is where Christmas morning was spent.  We'd arrive at Grandma's for breakfast with eggs, pancakes, and sausage, and then we'd open gifts.  When Grandma got to the point where she couldn't handle all of the Christmas preparations, we eventually moved our Christmas to a weekend prior to the actual holiday, but that would not stop me from stopping for a visit at Grandma's house on Christmas morning.   Nicol and I would stop there every year before heading to my parent's.  Even last year, after grandma passed away, we stopped to see Grandpa before heading to my parent's.  But this year, they are both gone...and with them dies this most cherished tradition.  Not having a sausage link and hugging my grandma on Christmas...it just doesn't feel like Christmas morning.  

While this Christmas was hard for a number of reasons, I still made some wonderful memories.  I was glad to share the joy of the season with Nicol, Peaches, and Maddie.  We have checked some more items off of Peaches bucket list too.  I know that life goes on and traditions change, and someday, I'll be the grandma getting a Christmas morning visit and making more special memories.  But I'll never forget the memories or those loved ones that have gone before who made Christmas special.

I received the most amazing gift from Nicol, a framed collage of pictures I have taken of all of the State Capitols we have visited.  Only one more spot to fill!

Keeping Traditions Alive

This weekend started out like most weekends do with a quiet Friday night at home followed by Dog Walking with the shelter dogs on Saturday morning.  After a cold Saturday morning walk, I came home for a walk with the girls.  It was a beautiful, sunny day, the kind of day that I really look forward to this time of year.  Peaches, Maddie, and Zi were all excited for the chance to get out and explore the world.  After weeks of walking a confused and tangled mess, I think they all finally figured out how to walk nicely together so we had a nice 2 mile walk.

With the nice weather, we spent the day outside.  While I was doing yard work and enjoying the sunshine, the girls were busily exploring and sniffing and looking for  squirrels.  It was nice to be able to get outside for some extra exercise and fresh air.  After spending a couple of hours in the yard, it was time to run a few errands for the day so the girls all jumped in the Jeep and we were off to get things done and then finally head home for a relaxing evening in order to rest up for our busy Sunday.

But before we could relax for the night, we had to celebrate because Sunday morning Zi would be leaving us to meet a new family.  And so, like we have done 38 times before, we had an ice cream party.  The ice cream party started with our very first foster, Vivian, seven years ago and has become an important tradition for us.  In the beginning, I felt like it brought us good luck, but now it is just a way to celebrate a new beginning for our temporary family member as we send them out into the world.  It is a tradition that I love and I think the girls love it too.  I know Zi loved her ice cream!
 

I woke up before the girls on Sunday morning and we spent a little time snuggling before I had to force them out of bed for breakfast and a potty break.  We had places to go today and I didn't want to be late.  Soon the Jeep was packed and we were ready to head to the Michigan/Indiana border to meet with Zi's new family. 

Of course we couldn't drive all that way without stopping for an adventure along the way.  As is tradition with all of the foster dogs we've driven there to meet their new families, we made a stop to get in a quick hike on the North Country Trail at the Historic Bridges Park just outside of Battle Creek.  As you can tell from the picture below, no one wanted to listen to me very well...and Peaches decided to protest while Maddie just ignored me completely.  But we had a brisk walk and got rid of some excess energy before continuing our journey.

As you can tell, the walk was a great success!  

 

Zi and Maddie settled in for a nap for the remainder of the trip, while Peaches sat nicely looking out the window.

We were blessed with beautiful sunny day for our road trip and I was grateful that the weather cooperated to give us such a great travel day.  Traveling along I-94 in SW Michigan this time of year, you never know what you could get, but we got lucky.  In no time at all, we had reached our meeting spot and Zi met her new foster-to-adopt family-Philip and Dani.  

They were so excited to meet her and get her home with them and I think they are great!  They've been waiting a long time to add a GSP to their family and I think that Zi will be very happy with them.  

After a round of hugs from Dani and Philip, I gave Zi a hug and kiss on the head, told her to be a good girl, and then we were off.  Just me and my two girls ready for some more adventures before heading home.  

So off we went to spend some time on the Lake Michigan shore at Warren Dunes State Park, another traditional stop when bringing a foster to meet a new family.  We spent a couple of hours there walking the beach, wading in the lake, and exploring the dunes.  Peaches was in her element and having the best time sniffing and running and splashing in the water.  Maddie moved at a little slower pace, but was happy to be at the beach too.  It was the perfect way to spend our day.

Even though the temperature was barely above freezing, the sun was warm and it was so calm that it felt a lot warmer.  We were met by many people along our walk and Peaches happily greeted each one.  She made friends with an older gentleman who stopped to ask me about them and I enjoyed my chat with him.  I meet so many nice people because of these silly dogs.

Much too soon, it was time to head back to the Jeep so that we could continue our journey home.  With a quick stop to pick up a burrito at Moe's, I was on the road toward home with two snoring girls. 

It was a good day and another foster success, but I couldn't help but notice someone missing on this trip.  It was my first time ever on the North Country Trail without Imke and it was our first trip to a Great Lake without her as well.  But I am thankful for the traditions we built together, the legacy she left, and that I got to share those traditions with Peaches.  Although things have changed, some things never will and those traditions will continue on after Peaches and Maddie leave me too.  And I'll be grateful for them and for the memories we created today because of them. 

Sometimes we just need time

After a long week at work and a stressful weekend, I just didn't have it in me to sit down and write a blog yesterday, but I wanted to share a short story tonight.  Little Miss Zi gave me quite a scare over this weekend.  She started to vomit and then refused food...and was clearly not feeling well.  I was worried sick about her and feared that so many things could be wrong.  Luckily, she just had a little GI upset that cleared up on its own, probably a little virus.  But while I sat here over the weekend, unable to really do anything to help and squirting syringes of Pedialyte into her mouth so she wouldn't become dehydrated, I realized the I am mentally, physically, and emotionally drained.  After caring for my sick, old girl for the last several months and knowing what is coming with Peaches, I think I reached a breaking point.

Over the course of the last week, especially with the events of this weekend added in, I've realized that I am not quite ready to fully take on a new foster.  While I thought bringing Zi into our home would help Maddie feel like things were more normal and would give Peaches a new playmate, I also thought it could help me heal as well.  What I learned is that I had unrealistic expectations and, after all I went through in the end with Imke, I just need a break.  I am not ready to jump back in and just keep going; none of us are. 

Zi is a sweet girl and I certainly don't regret helping her out, but she was more of a challenge than I was prepared to take on...at least mentally.  And I was surprised to see how quickly I felt overwhelmed by the situation.  While she is sweet and loves people, she is also nervous and unsure and has a lot to learn.  She would really benefit from a confident dog, but without Imke here, I have a house of anxious, not-so-confident dogs right now.  I have a house of dogs who are still trying to figure out the hierarchy of our pack.  We are all still learning how to navigate through life without Imke.  Nothing feels quite like it should and I suspect that life will be that way for a while.

But I am not one to give up on a challenge and I knew we had to make the best of the situation so that Zi could learn how to be a well-adjusted, happy girl and find a new home.   With as nervous as she is, I didn't want her to have to move to a new foster home before finding her forever home.  Lucky for me, the family that is interested in adopting her is willing to offer a foster home for her until she is finished with all of her vet work and can officially be adopted.

After speaking with them last week and sharing all about her personality, they were excited to bring her into their home.  They currently have two Shih Tzus and before we could move her, we had to make sure that she would be okay with little dogs.  So on Friday, she came to work with me for the morning and then at lunch time we headed out to the shelter to meet some little dogs.  She did great! So it was decided that this Sunday she will move to her new home in Chicago.

Her new family is so excited to meet her and I am excited for her to meet them.  She deserves a stable, loving home, and I truly believe that they will give her just that.  While she will only have spent three weeks here, she has left an impression and I won't soon forget this sweet girl...my first foster without Imke. 

Now I will be taking a break to focus on the two girls that I have.  Peaches and Maddie have taken a backseat while I cared for Imke and now they are not getting as much attention as they deserve as I help Zi.  It is time to focus on them for now and maybe it's time to focus on me too.