The Spirit of Christmas

Good Morning and Merry Christmas.  As I sit here in my peaceful and quiet home watching the Yule Log channel, I thought I would take a moment to write a few words.  

This Christmas season hasn't been like any other I've experienced.  I am usually excited that the holidays are coming and I enjoy the days and weeks leading up to Christmas.  I love the giving spirit of the season and the fact that people become more generous.  I love doing nice things for others and the joy I get from helping those who are less fortunate.  I love the sparkling lights and the peace this season is meant to bring.  And for me, the best part of Christmas is Christmas Eve, when the hustle and bustle is over, and the stores are closed, and families gather to spend time together.  Here at my house that means Nicol comes home to celebrate with us, and really, I don't need anything more than that.

Since I was young, I've felt the joy of the Christmas season.  I fondly remember going into town with the Christmas decorations and the music playing in the streets. We would go into any one of the stores in town, mostly I remember shopping at the Ben Franklin, and after we finished shopping, we would go out into the streets hoping to see Santa.  He would be there, in the streets of Chesaning, with a bag over his shoulder and a supply of candy canes for anyone who would approach him to say hello.   It was so exciting to get a chance to tell him everything that I wanted for Christmas before he would return to the North Pole for the evening.  

The days would go by after our visit with Santa, and then on Christmas Eve, with all of the excitement of what was to come, we would jump into our van, drive into town to pick up a pizza, and then spend the evening driving around the country roads looking at all of the beautiful Christmas lights.  We would then return home and listen to Christmas music- there was always Gene Autry, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, the Ray Conniff Singers, and the Chipmunks.  Finally it was time for bed, and off we would go to await the arrival of Santa with all of our gifts.  It just felt magical.

As I grew older, things changed, but the magic of Christmas was always there.  Eventually, I would enter the world with a family of my own and we created our own Christmas traditions.  I still love Christmas and may even love it more as an adult than I did as a child.  I love to celebrate the season with traditions both old and new.  

But this year has just been different for me.  I haven't found joy in the things I normally would.  Somehow I missed the deadline to donate to Toys for Tots and the Angel Tree...I didn't even make it to the Toys for Tots event at Wonderland of Lights at the Potter Park Zoo this year, and I never miss that.  I love seeing the Marines in their dress uniforms gathering a truckload of toys donated by happy families going in to the Zoo to see the light display.  It is one of my favorite holiday traditions. 

My Christmas cards went out late, my Christmas shopping didn't start until about a week before Christmas; I didn't even feel like baking.  And while I finished my shopping before the crazy rush of last minute shoppers and my cards all reached their destinations in time, the Holiday spirit still didn't arrive. 

I did take the dogs out for our annual ride around Lansing to look at Christmas lights, a tradition I started with them a couple of years ago.  I grab a pizza and a Mt. Dew, turn on the Christmas music, and slowly drive around several neighborhoods to enjoy the holiday displays.  They always get a piece of pizza crust, and, if it's not too cold, I'll even roll down the windows so they can stick their heads out so they can take in all of the scents and sounds.  It has been a fun way to spend a Saturday night leading up to Christmas. 

As I have done for the last several years, I volunteered at the Holiday All-nighter at the animal shelter, but this year, I was not feeling as festive.  While I was happy that several cats and dogs found families of their own, it just didn't feel the same.

I had also planned to find some new Holiday traditions or new events to attend this year, but that was just not meant to happen.  I really just struggled to find the joy in the Holiday.  Despite the Christmas music that I've been listening to since Thanksgiving and the Christmas tree and decorations all around me, it didn't feel like Christmas.  

We finally reached the weekend before Christmas and I decided to take the girls for a walk around the State Capitol building to see the State Christmas tree.  It was a beautiful Friday night and the snow began to fall as we pulled out of the driveway.  We made our way downtown, found a parking spot, and jumped out of the car headed toward the tree.  

What a beautiful night it was.  There were other people around enjoying the evening as well and Peaches decided to make friends with as many as she could.  As we walked along, surrounded by the holiday lights and decorations, with Christmas music playing in the streets, it took me back to my childhood.  I was taken back to the days as a kid that we would go into Chesaning to shop and to look for Santa.  What a happy memory.  

And with that, I found a little of my Christmas spirit again.  I spent the weekend wrapping presents, watching silly Hallmark Christmas movies, and doing a little baking.  On Saturday, I had a nice dinner with friends and finished all of my prep for our Christmas Eve festivities.  It was a relaxing, quiet weekend at home with none of the holiday rush, and it was perfect.  

I even took the girls back downtown for another walk around on Sunday afternoon to take in a few more sounds of the season.

But when Christmas Eve arrived, it still didn't feel like Christmas. And that day, more than any before it, I felt that someone was missing.  I did my best to get into the spirit of the day because I knew I had to make a memorable Christmas with Peaches because I may not get another with her.  So before Nicol arrived for our evening celebrations, I took Maddie and Peaches for a fun run at the Softball fields down the road.  Watching the joy Peaches experienced just out running in the open field made me smile.  I think that may have been the best Christmas gift I could have given to her.

Nicol arrived and the girls were excited to see her.  We had our simple dinner and a few snacks, and then settled in to open our gifts.  Although it wasn't the same without Imke's excitement, Maddie enjoyed opening her gifts.  We tried really hard to teach Peaches about the joy of opening gifts as well, but she may just be a lost cause.  It was a good night, though, surrounded by those I love most in this world.  

This morning Maddie woke me up with some very special and very rare Maddie kisses.  After breakfast with a special Christmas treat added in, the girls had a few more gifts to open and then we snuggled up for a few quiet moments before I had to leave for the day to head to my parents for our family Christmas.

This Christmas was hard for many reasons, some I cannot even put into words.  I miss Imke and it is not the same celebrating this holiday without her, but also, for the first time in my life, I didn't stop at my grandparents on Christmas morning.  For much of my life, that is where Christmas morning was spent.  We'd arrive at Grandma's for breakfast with eggs, pancakes, and sausage, and then we'd open gifts.  When Grandma got to the point where she couldn't handle all of the Christmas preparations, we eventually moved our Christmas to a weekend prior to the actual holiday, but that would not stop me from stopping for a visit at Grandma's house on Christmas morning.   Nicol and I would stop there every year before heading to my parent's.  Even last year, after grandma passed away, we stopped to see Grandpa before heading to my parent's.  But this year, they are both gone...and with them dies this most cherished tradition.  Not having a sausage link and hugging my grandma on Christmas...it just doesn't feel like Christmas morning.  

While this Christmas was hard for a number of reasons, I still made some wonderful memories.  I was glad to share the joy of the season with Nicol, Peaches, and Maddie.  We have checked some more items off of Peaches bucket list too.  I know that life goes on and traditions change, and someday, I'll be the grandma getting a Christmas morning visit and making more special memories.  But I'll never forget the memories or those loved ones that have gone before who made Christmas special.

I received the most amazing gift from Nicol, a framed collage of pictures I have taken of all of the State Capitols we have visited.  Only one more spot to fill!