Life isn't always a happy adventure

When I decided to start writing this blog, I wanted to be able to share our adventures and all of the fun places we would visit across the country, but that wasn't the only reason for starting to write.  I also wanted to capture memories and moments and share with you what it means to share my life with these wonderful spotty dogs of mine.  While sharing our adventures is always fun, sometimes I just need to share real life moments.  And those moments can get very real.  They aren't always happy.  They can be downright hard.  Sometimes they are heart-wrenchingly painful.  But when you choose to love a dog, you know that at some point things are going to get difficult...because life isn't always a happy adventure.   But all of those happy moment, all of the adventures, and all of the memories made along the way make the tough times a little easier to bare.  And when there are moments we are sure we can't take any more, we bare it for our furry little friends because how else do you repay so many years of love and devotion?

Today what I'm sharing is one of the hard realities of life...that it doesn't go on forever.  And that at some point we all reach that moment when we know the end is near, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon.  And we are at the point with my dear, sweet Madilyn.  I don't know how much time we have left-maybe a few weeks or maybe a few months...maybe even just a few days-but I have been down this path enough to know what lies ahead of me. 

Maddie is nearly 15, she'll celebrate her birthday in May, and she has lived an amazing life.  But she has kidney disease, arthritis, and bad teeth, she is nearly deaf and can't see very well, and in the last two weeks, like every one of my furry loves that came before her, she made the decision that she wasn't going to eat her kibble any more.  Like I said earlier, this isn't my first time down this path.  At some point, all of my furry kids have made that same decision and I am pretty good transitioning to cooking for a fussy dog.  I was just hoping it wouldn't come to that point yet with Maddie.  

So for the last two weeks, we've been working through the ins and outs of finding what will work for us.  But Maddie isn't making it easy on me.  Things that she used to love, like watermelon and cucumbers, she turns her nose at.  Peanut butter has become the enemy because it is the only way I can force her to take her pills.  One day she literally ran (well, as much as an old lady can run) across the living room and "hid" beside the couch when she saw me take the peanut butter jar out of the cupboard.  It was sad and adorable at the same time.  And just when I think I've found something that will work for her, she changes her mind.  The thing that is most sad to me about this whole situation is watching how excited she gets when she realizes it's dinner time, but then seeing her sniff her food bowl and walk away if it isn't quite to her liking on that particular day, at the particular moment.  

Honestly, these moments with her are taking me back nine years to the last few months of life with Jake.  He was so fussy about his food and getting him to eat became such a struggle.  I remember lying next to him on the floor just begging him to eat something...which never worked.  And eventually with Jake, I was making him quesadillas every day because that and frosted mini wheats cereal were the only things he would eat.   I spent 3 months cooking for him at the end and I'm hoping Maddie will give me a few months too, but who knows.  Every dog is different and every experience unique.  I guess I'll just have to wait and see where this journey takes us.

I share this with you not for sympathy, but because it is just part of the adventure of life.    It is part of my journey with Maddie that brings us closer together as I care for her and she puts all of her trust in me to help her when she needs help, love her as much as I can, and, in the end, to always do what is right for her.  And when the moment comes to say goodbye, I'll be there with her until her very last breath, holding her paw, and letting her know that my life would not have been as complete without her in it.  

As I sit here next to her today listening to her snore, I know that I have given her a good life and that she loves me, maybe even more than Imke loved me, and that is saying a lot.  And I know that she knows I love her and will take care of her as best as I can to the very end.  My sweet, anxious, crazy Maddie.  

But for now, we still have life to live and small adventures take, even if those adventures are just a ride in the car with the windows rolled down, a good wander around the yard, or just snuggling together on the couch.  I will do whatever I can to keep the heart of an adventure dog happy for as long as she still wants to continue on our adventure.  We'll continue to just take each day as they come and make the best of the moments we have left together.  

Thank you for taking the journey with us.