On the road again...

In less than two weeks, I'll be heading back out on the road with the girls.  I know it's time...I get the same feeling every time.  I have a longing to get out and see new things and feel the open road in front of me-full of possibilities.  I'm restless.  Growing up, we didn't travel much, a few trips to Higgins Lake when I was young, some trips to Cedar Point over the years, that was about it.  In high school, I was lucky enough to travel to Florida and Washington DC with band, but that was the extent of my travel opportunities as a child.  When I think about it, it's hard to believe that I hadn't even been to my beloved UP before the age of 18.  Through my 20s, I made several trips to the UP, but still hadn't struck out to see much more of the land around us.  In my early 30s, we made our first major family road trip, heading West to visit Yellowstone.  On that trip we drove through Madison Wisconsin and made a brief stop to walk around town.  I think it was at that point that I realized my love of Capitol Buildings.  We stopped at Mount Rushmore and Devil's Tower and I saw my very first Grizzly Bear in the wild.  It was an amazing trip.  Over the years, we made small trips to other surrounding areas, but still I had so much to see.

Then Nicol was off to college, 6 hours away in Lexington.  The years she was there gave me so much more than I expected of them.  I missed my daughter and the only way to see her was to drive there. Many Friday nights right after work, I would get in the car with Jake and Imke in tow, so that I could make it to Lexington that night and have an entire Saturday to spend with my daughter.  And then I'd turn right around after lunch on Sunday and head home.  There were also lots of round-trip 13 hour days in the car when she would come home for the holidays and I would drive down to get her and turn right around to come home.  Those trips gave me road stamina and taught me I could travel on my own or better yet, how easy it was to travel with the dogs and how much they enjoyed it-how much we all enjoyed it.  

On one of my long weekend trips to visit Nicol, I struck out to see the sites around the area.  We visited a fort and several historic homes and walked the streets of some beautiful small towns.  

I have so many good memories from that trip.  And for me, this is where it all started.  My realization that I wanted to travel and see as many things as I could see.  This picture of Jake and Imke at the Kentucky State Capitol in Frankfort really started it all.  One comment from a friend (thanks Janie!) about this picture started our journey. It's not a great picture, but it captures a moment in time and the personalities of my two four-legged buddies pretty well-Imke always looking for the next fun thing (what's over there any way?) and Jake so very serious and well-mannered.  

Imke and Jake in Frankfort Kentucky

From this day on, I was on a mission.  I was going to get these dogs to as many State Capitols and historic sites as I could.  Unfortunately, the only other State Capitol Jake ever made it to was right here in Lansing, but Imke and I have been a lot of places together since then.  

Jake enjoys the Capitol lawn and 4th of July Parade

Imke and I have now been to 38 State Capitols together and she's been through 40 States and 3 Canadian Provinces. When this started, I don't think I ever really thought we'd do and see so much together.  What a ride it's been so far!  Some of our trips were just the two of us and sometimes we've had Maddie along for the ride. One trip to Ohio and Indiana even included a foster dog.  And we have such amazing memories.  I'm pretty excited to think that in less than a month from now, we will have added 5 more State Capitols and four new States for her, but more importantly, we'll have added some great new memories to the bank.  I can't wait to share them with you!

On the road again

Goin' places that I've never been
Seein' things that I may never see again

And I can't wait to get on the road again
On the road again
Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
We're the best of friends
Insisting that the world keep turning our way

And our way
Is on the road again
Just can't wait to get on the road again

-On the Road Again Willie Nelson

Sunday mornings

Today started like most of my Sunday mornings have for most of the last 13 years.  Even in a dead sleep I can feel it-The Stare.  Imke standing in the doorway of the bedroom, usually right around 7am, quietly staring at me.  I'm sure many of you who have dogs, or children for that matter, you know what I am talking about.  Even though I'm sound asleep, I can feel her looking at me and just moments before the whine starts, I am awake. Sunday is the one day of the week I can sleep in, with no commitments and no need for an alarm clock.  But there she is, my brown-spotty, shorthaired, four-legged, whining alarm clock, letting me know it's time for breakfast.  So I am out of bed and off to feed the hungry masses, Imke trailing behind me.

At this point in time, I have a foster, which isn't always the case, and Julia is enthusiastic about every meal.  She twirls and twists and barks with joy, her stubby little tail wagging one hundred miles an hour as I prepare her dish.  Maddie has become my lazy bum, never in a hurry to get out of bed; always happy to spend a little more time snuggled up under the covers.  She will not move until she hears the clang of the food hitting her dish.  And Imke, she has a routine which hasn't changed much over the years.  She'll follow me to the closet, then grab a toy from the toy basket, and off she'll go, toy in her mouth, to pace and circle her dish until it is full.  Everyone must sit and stay nicely until I release them to eat, but Imke always tries to stretch her neck forward in hopes of getting one little nibble before I say it's okay.  She's older now, so I allow it.

Once they have finished breakfast, it's outside for a potty break and a good sniff around the yard.  It's outside and right back in for Maddie and then right back to bed where she can establish herself in the prime spot -right in the middle of the bed-for some quality snuggle time.  Imke and Julia take a little more time outside with Julia zooming around the yard while Imke searches for the prime sniffing spots.  Eventually everyone is back inside for a good bout of snuggling.  Even though Maddie is sure she's gotten the best spot in the bed to be closest to me, without fail, Imke will find a way to burrow under the covers and shove her 70 pounds body between me and Maddie because she must be closest to mom with her chin resting somewhere on my leg, always.

The snuggling time varies each week, depending on the weather, the amount of exercise they got the day before, the ever changing moods and demands of a German Shorthaired Pointer, but in most cases it ends long before I'm ready.  Then it's time for them to get back outside to enjoy the day.  With 2-3 dogs in the house it can be a never-ending game of in and out, but then there are mornings like today, when they decide that outside is much more fun than inside.  Those days are generally sunny, warmer, and involve lots of squirrel "hunting".  Imke and Julia spotted him first this morning, running across the electric lines in the backyard wagging his tail and causing them much anguish.  There is much barking and tail-wagging and running around the yard and then once he's out of sight, they will sit quietly at the fence for 30 minutes or more just staring off into the yards around us awaiting his reappearance.

I love those mornings.  Making my breakfast as I watch them flit about the yard, running, sniffing, playing.  They are so full of joy and so full of life in those moments.  They have not a care in the world, well, other than getting that darn squirrel! Makes me wish we could all have simpler lives, like they have.

After spending a good 45 minutes outside this morning, they all came back in and were given a special treat that I knew would keep each of the occupied while I took some time to relax and read.  Maddie finished first and climbed back up on the bed with me to get some one on one time while the others were  still occupied.  It was a wonderful, peaceful, enjoyable morning, but the quiet never lasts long when you have a GSP in your house.  But that's what I love about them most, there is never a dull moment!

The sun is shining and it is barefoot, short-sleeve weather in Mid-February here in Mid-Michigan, so it was back outside with me following right behind them.  Time to take a lesson from my dogs and sniff the fresh air, breath in all of the smells of the beautiful world around me and soak up the sun!

After a week of work and responsibility and commitments, it is just nice to take some time to enjoy the simple things in life.  Happy Sunday!

My life as a foster mom

When this year started, I challenged myself to write in this blog at least once per week.  I thought I could sit down every Sunday and reflect on the week and come up with a topic for the day.  I do enjoy writing, but every time I sit down to write here, I feel like I should have something profound to say...something life-changing.  However, today I realized all of that pressure just makes it difficult for me to actually sit down and write.  So I'm going to try to take away the pressure and just "put words to paper" and write whatever comes to mind.

This weekend we spent a quiet weekend at home.  I don't do that very often and it felt great not to have any plans.  Sometimes you need some time away from the bustle of everyday life.  It gives you an opportunity to be alone with your thoughts.   As I sat on the couch snuggled up with Julia, I learned that there may be a family interested in adding her to their family.  I looked down at that little face and was overcome with emotions.  Those feelings got me reflecting on my journey as a foster mom.

Julia, Imke and Maddie

There is just something about life when it is lived with dogs.  I love dogs. I have always loved dogs. I love being with dogs and I love helping dogs.  I am inspired to be a better person because of my dogs. They greet the morning enthusiastically and savor every moment that they are awake. They always seem to see the good in the world and they love with all of their being, no matter what they've been through in their lives.  They are resilient.

Jake, Imke and Vivian

Five years ago, with some strong encouragement from my daughter, I became a foster parent for our local animal shelter.  The shelter had a great "Home for the Holidays" foster program which gave me an opportunity to try it out without making a big commitment.  I was a fairly new volunteer there and didn't really know what to expect from the foster experience. So a few days before Christmas, Nicol and I headed to the shelter to find the dog we'd bring home to temporarily join our family.  After considering a few, we made the choice to bring home Vivian.  She was a black lab mix with a great personality and she fit in with my pack perfectly.  And with that beautiful, sweet girl, my love of being a foster mom began.

Vivian

Vivian was a great dog.  She wasn't damaged; she wasn't imperfect-she had just found herself in an unfortunate situation.  Giving her a chance to escape the hectic, scary environment of the shelter and to live in a home allowed her personality to shine.  She was with us for about 6 weeks before she was adopted.  I was so excited when she first met her person.  She was a young woman ready to adopt her first dog on her own and she was so excited to have found Vivian. I just knew it was going to be a great fit. After a goodbye hug and several tears, she was off to live her life.  I never heard from her mom after that, but I have thought of her occasionally over the last five years.  I believe that she is living a good life and I am glad that I was able to be a small part of her journey.

Lucy

Since then, I have fostered 30 other dogs. Dogs like Lucy who was given up by her owner at 18 months old because they couldn't handle her and Harley, who at 10 years old was dumped at the shelter by the family who had raised him since he was a puppy because mom was suddenly allergic. There was Baron, who at 8 years old was dumped due to divorce, and Garmin, who at 8 years old was too much for his family to handle because they had just had a baby.  Dogs like Rocky who was left behind when his family moved and Soleil who had lived her entire 4 years of life outside-barely fed, barely sheltered, fighting to live day to day and never loved.  And Reyna, sweet Reyna, who was returned to the shelter because her family couldn't understand that they couldn't let their children do whatever they wanted to her...that she wasn't just going to tolerate it and then was adopted and returned two more times before finding the perfect home.  All of these dogs were given up on by the people who were supposed to care for them, forever.

Nicol and Winnie

Then there were the dogs who came in as strays like Winnie, the adorable little 5 month old, blind puppy who was terrified of every sound and Marissa who was a bundle of crazy pit bull puppy energy and losing her mind being stuck at the shelter-she literally ran around my backyard for 3 hours the night I brought her home.  There were Sonny and Cher who had been at the shelter for two months with no interest and Beignet who was there even longer.  And sweet old Nelly who had to be dragged back into her kennel, Junior who was missing a foot and Moses who was diagnosed with heartworm. And Fritz, Moe, Zeus, Wade and Clint who all had the clock working against them.

Maddie, Harley, and Imke

Not all of them had issues when they came to me.  Some of them just needed a little time to find the right home and someone to share with the world how awesome they were.  As a foster mom, that is one of my main jobs-to be a champion for the pups that find themselves in my care and to let the world know all that is wonderful about them.  Some walked into my home like they had been there all along and fit right in.  Some had some minor issues to overcome and some, like Soleil, had so much to learn about trust and love and just how to be a dog.  But I watched all of these dogs blossom and become better versions of themselves while they were with me and then, when they were ready, I let go... I sent them off into the world with new families and a chance for an amazing life.  While some of the families have kept in touch with me, some have not.  And even if I haven't heard from their new families, I know that they all have gotten that chance to be the awesome family members they were meant to be.  My heart is happy knowing that they are all loved.

Soleil

Now there is Julia, number 31.  This sweet girl who has clearly been bred and then was mostly likely just let go when they found her no longer useful.  She was so scared when I brought her home, nervous about anything new and terrified to walk down the hallway or to go anywhere near my basement stairs.  But she had good in her heart and she wanted nothing more than to be loved.  To watch her grow and gain confidence has been amazing.  She is a completely different dog today than she was the day that I brought her home.  Soon enough, she will get her chance at her forever family. And like every other time, I will cry...probably a lot.

Imke and Beignet

Reyna

I do wonder what they think when I send them off with their new families.  Do they know how much I have loved them and that I am not giving them up, but instead I am giving them a chance.  I hope that they know what they have given me.  Because without each of them, my life would not be what it is today.  I have grown through each experience and learned more about life and love from them than I have from any other experience I've ever had. People often tell me that they couldn't foster or ask me how I do it...and for me, I just don't know how I couldn't do it.  I look into those eyes full of hope and love and I have to do whatever I can to help them.   It is a sacrifice and sometimes it really hurts to say goodbye, but I know that there will always be another out there that just needs a chance.  I'm happy to be there to give them that chance.

Sonny and Cher

As I lie here next to one very important pup, I can't help but think that there is so much that we could learn from our dogs...so much that I have learned from my dogs and from the dogs that I have been fortunate enough to meet through my volunteer experiences-not just through fostering.  They are resilient creatures; always forgiving, always ready to live life to it's fullest.  I am fortunate to be a dog mom, dog aunt, dog foster mom, and dog rescuer. With each interaction, I learn more about life. I am reminded what is important, what we should let go of and that sometimes it's okay just to be silly.  I have become the person I am today because of my life with dogs.  I have learned that it is okay to be whomever you are and to live the life you want for yourself...regardless of what others think...and to always remember to love with all you've got-because life is too short to live any other way.

Maddie and Baron share some ice cream

Clint

Fritz with his forever family

Moses

Wade

Rocky

Winnie

Garmin's freedom flight

How did we get here?

Against my better judgment, I made a small comment on a politically related facebook post yesterday. I haven't made comments previously; I don't know why I didn't listen to that little voice telling me not to do it this time, but what's done is done.   In response to my rather simple comment that in essence stated that neither the views of Donald Trump nor Hillary Clinton fit what I wanted for America-I was called a part of the ignorant masses...apparently unwittingly spewing the conservative conspiracy theories.  The response to my comment came from a complete stranger-someone I have never met, probably will never meet...someone who knows not one thing about me as a human being, and yet, because I don't share the same opinion, knows that I must be ignorant and brain-washed by the corrupt conservatives of the world out to get us all.  And this, my friends, is what is wrong with America today.

That little response on social media got me thinking about how every one of us is special and unique. We all have our own stories and our own experiences that have shaped who we are today.  My story started in a small town with two parents who were hard working and taught me the same values.  We weren't rich, but we had all we needed in life.  They did what all parents are ultimately supposed to do.  They raised two children who became kind, hard-working, responsible adults.

I graduated from high school in that small town with plans to go out and conquer the world.  I was going to college and I was going to do great things with my life...but at 18 and just a few weeks before starting college,  I found out I was pregnant.  That was certainly not part of the plan for my life, but as scared as I was, I didn't stop to think about what I was supposed to do and without telling my parents, I went off to college as a pregnant teen from a small town with no real experience in the world- because I was supposed to go to college...and nothing was going to stop me.

That first few months at school I was almost a normal college kid, except I was struggling with the decision of how to handle my pregnancy-there were options and I had to figure out the best one for me.  Through morning sickness and heartburn and feeling the baby kick for the first time, I also had work and classes and studying.  Oh the fun life of a college freshman.  And then, on the first day of the Spring term my freshman year, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.  A week later I was back in class...my dad took a week off from work to drive me to my classes and to take care of Nicol while I was in class.  My parents, her dad and his parents were all great during that term, helping care for her while I finished school for the year.

When I came back for my sophomore year, we moved into family housing.  Her dad and I were now both at MSU and raising a daughter together.  For the next 3 years, I worked 29 hours a week, went to school full-time, studied and took care of a baby.  I didn't ask for handouts, I never used medicaid or food stamps...I worked hard and sacrificed.  And in four years, plus one additional Summer term to complete my internship, I graduated with my BA with a 2.95 GPA...not too shabby if you ask me and for many years my biggest accomplishment.

We made many other sacrifices over the years as we raised our daughter to be a kind-hearted, strong-willed, independent-minded, free-thinker not afraid to be who she wanted to be.  I think we raised her well. She is a college graduate herself, having graduated Magna Cum Laude from the University of Kentucky.  She is now off shaping young minds as she teaches reading comprehension to elementary school children.

Now that we've successfully done our jobs as her parents and sent her off into the world to contribute in a positive way to society, I have time to do so many other things.  I volunteer my time to animal rescue. I volunteer at food banks and as a meals-on-wheels driver.  I occasionally buy a meal for the homeless guy who stands on the corner near my office.  I give both my time and money to charities that I feel are important.  I believe that I am pretty fortunate...I am not rich by any means, but I have enough to take care of my basic needs and more.  So I am happy to help others who are not as fortunate.  I believe that the best society is the one where we help each other.

This is my story so far...it is who I am.  I just think that maybe if we seek to understand where others have been and how they have gotten to this point in their lives, it could help us heal as a nation.

I know so many good people who voted for Donald Trump and so many good people that voted for Hillary Clinton...and several good people who voted for neither.  I know that ultimately they all want nothing more than what is best for our country.  There is just so much negativity in this world today. No one wants to listen to the opinions of anyone else, they just want to jump immediately to name calling and hatefulness the minute they believe that someone has a differing opinion.  There are so many people who are claiming to be tolerant of differences who are in fact the most intolerant...they are so angered that someone disagrees with them that they don't take the time to listen and understand.  I hope that we can change this and begin to heal as a nation.

Our 2016 Journey

We recently finished the Hike100NCT challenge which involved hiking 100 miles on the North Country Trail in 2016 in celebration of the 100th Anniversary of the National Parks.  We (and you know by we, I mean I) signed up for the challenge at the end of 2015 and anxiously awaited January 1, 2016 and the opportunity to start hiking.  We were in the Upper Peninsula, the only place I was familiar with the trail at the time, and I was determined to start as close to January 1 as possible so we could have the whole year to complete the challenge.  So as we drove through Munising on January 2 on our way home from a few days in Copper Harbor, we stopped to get in our first mile.  

 

View of Munising Bay from the North Country Trail

And so it started.  I had big plans for this challenge.  I was going to make more trips North and to the UP this year.  I was going to join group hikes.  I was going to find new and exciting places to hike.  I was going to see more of this State.  Most importantly, I was going to spend some quality time in the great outdoors with the girls discovering that I didn’t ALWAYS have to be North of the Mackinac Bridge to enjoy the beautiful State in which we live.  In many ways I achieved most of my goals and even though I didn’t accomplish them all, I accomplished so much more. 

First order of business was to familiarize myself with where I could find areas closer to me to hike the trail.  The North Country Trail is massive.  It covers 4600 miles from New York State to North Dakota with many of those miles right here in Michigan so I had to be able to find some great places to hike!  Little did I know when we started that Trail's Headquarters is in Lowell- just 45 miles from home and at one point the trail runs within 30 miles of my house- giving me the opportunity to get out on some weekend adventures.  Who knew that the majority of my miles would be completed within an hour and a half of home! 

A familiar site

This challenge forced me to get out on cold winter days and hot summer days, in the rain, snow, and humidity...days when I was at home, not in the Upper Peninsula, and at times when I would not normally have gone.  But we went out in search of blue blazes on those day, in areas that I would never have thought to explore previously.  We had a goal to reach.

And so throughout the seasons and in a variety of areas around our State, this became a very familiar view.  For many miles I walked with three dogs, but there were also times that it was just me, Imke and Maddie and one weekend that I spent on the trail with just Imke.  I loved my time out on the trail with them and they loved their time on the trail too.  So many sites to see and things to sniff! We enjoyed the fresh air and the changing of the seasons and discovering new places.  But most of all, I enjoyed spending time with them and watching their happy little tails wag with joy! Out in the world-exploring small towns, farmland, small cities, beaches, and wilderness with these amazing companions of mine, I learned a lot about myself. I learned about determination and sticking to a goal and believing in myself and knowing that during this silly little challenge I was growing in ways that can't be put into words.  

But as is my nature, I had doubts about if I could really finish.  As we worked on our challenge, we also followed the progress of others who were working toward this goal.  I read stories of day hikes, weekend hikes and week-long hikes where people would finish 20, 30, 40 miles and more at a time.  I read about people who completed their 100 miles in a couple of months.  I compared my progress to theirs and thought "how can I compare to these people?  I am finishing 2, or 3, or 4 miles at a time...I'm never going to do this."  But I stuck with it, reminding myself that 2 miles at a time we could finish and it's not about how fast you get there; it's about sticking with it and working toward the goal and continuing to make progress despite setbacks (like work schedules and knee problems) and enjoying every step of the journey!  So we continued on, making regular progress, and slowly working our way, mile by mile, to 100.  It's amazing what happens when you stop worrying about others and focus on yourself!

We finished our 100 miles with a couple of weeks left in 2016 on a snowy day in Lowell.  It was a great day to be out for a hike.  It was quite a feeling when Imke and I took those last steps, completing our 100 mile journey together.

A couple of weeks ago we received our Certificate of Completion and patch for finishing the #Hike100NCT challenge.  A great reminder that despite my doubts-we had finished!  But even better, in my opinion, was an update given at the end of the year by the NCT Association.  Over 5000 people signed up for this challenge in 2016, but just under 1800 people had actually completed it.  That's less then half.  And I was one of them!  That really put things into perspective for me.  I enjoyed this challenge tremendously, learned some valuable life lessons, and spent some quality time with the dogs. However, most importantly, I proved to myself that I can accomplish great things if I really set my mind to it!

I'm excited that the North Country Trail Association has decided to do offer this challenge again this year.  Bring on the 2017 Challenge!  We're ready!!

The why

It seems these days, there is a blog for every topic.  So every time I sit down to write, I think to myself, why are you doing this? What do you possibly have to offer to the world?  I lead a pretty average life so why would anyone care to read what I have to say?  But I've realized it's not what others gain from my perspective that really matters to me, but that I learn to be more open and willing to share and to let others in...plus what I write here becomes a sort of record of my life:  my own personal history, a memoir of sorts that allows me to remember where I've been and a guide that reminds me where I am going- a way to reflect on my journey and hopefully to inspire myself to do one thing each day to make the world a little better.  So I am going to go full-steam ahead with this blog and try to make an entry at least once a week.  Wish me luck!

15 years later

9/11...at one point in time it was just another day.  And then it wasn't.  It's hard for me to believe it's been 15 years since that day.  It changed so many lives and impacted every one of us in ways we may not even realize.  It changed America.

It started just like any other day.  I got up and took Nicol to school and went to work.  I'm sure I stopped at the Marathon and picked up a Mt Dew just like I did every other day. I got into the office, turned on my radio, and started my work day.  I remember Tim Baron's voice on the radio telling us about the first plane crashing into the first WTC Tower.  I remember thinking what a horrible tragedy that was...and then the second plane hit.  I remember the immediate thought "Are we under attack?" It was a scary thought.  I made a call and wondered about the safety of my daughter...she was on a field trip at school that day. Everyone in our office began to gather in the training room to watch the events of the day unfold on the TV we had there.  I couldn't join them; I needed to keep working and to be alone.  I kept listening to the radio and heard about the crashing of the other planes and about the Towers falling to the ground. I stayed there, alone in my office the rest of the day.

I made it through the day at work and came home.  Up to that point, I hadn't seen any of the TV coverage of the day.  But at home, coverage of what had happened was everywhere; there was nowhere to escape from it.  I remember thinking I just wanted it to be over.  Hours and days of coverage on this event...and selfishly, I just wanted it to end so I could get back to my normal life. I wasn't heartless, I knew how many people had been affected by this tragedy, but I thought that it was time to move forward.   But for hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions, of people, they couldn't just move on...they were there, living this horrible nightmare.  They had loved ones in the buildings or on the planes, they were the families of the first-responders, they were on vacation, they were normal people just like me who went to work that day like they had many other times, but then it was no longer like just any other day.

Unless you've lived under a rock, if you are an American who was alive on that fateful day, you've seen the coverage.  The flames from the planes crashing into the buildings, the towers crumbling to the ground, the people in the streets scared and confused.  I haven't gone out of my way to watch any of the news specials or features regarding 9/11, but I know what it looked like in New York City that day...out here from the safety of my living room through the screen of a TV. But last night I watched some of the 15th anniversary coverage and got a better glimpse of what it was like there on that day. Our experience is so much different than those who lived and worked in NYC...especially of those who were right there on that day.

I have a good friend, Janie, who I've known for about 10 years.  She's a New Yorker and she was there, right there at the heart of it all that day.  I remember the first time she told me that she had walked through those buildings on her way to work that day.  It made it a little more real for me.  15 years later it is still raw for her.  She doesn't speak much about the happenings of the day or what she saw, but I know that it has shaped who she is today and is still very real for her. There are so many others out there, just like her, who really lived through this day.  This is an American tragedy, but to them it was so much more personal.  So, on this September 11, 15 years later,  I send my love and prayers and my admiration for their courage to make it through the day.  We're thinking of you all.