November 29

It was Saturday, November 29, 2003 when I saw this face for the first time.  My sweet puppy, Imke.  These are the first two pictures I received of that puppy with no name.  We hadn't discussed a name and I didn't even know that someone was going to look at a litter of puppies that day until I got the call..."there is only one female left, do you want her?"  I was an hour away at the Chesaning Music Boosters craft show with Nicol and my mom.   Earlier that day we had visited the Ingham County Animal Shelter and met a beautiful 6 year old male, Jake, who was in need of a home.  When I got the call, I turned to Nicol and asked what she thought.  Did we want this puppy?  I knew I did, but it needed to be a family decision.  And her answer?  "Mom, we can't get a puppy if we don't save Jake." And with that I became a first time GSP mom of two.

Imke became ours that afternoon and I was sent these two tiny pictures via text message.  Soon after, she arrived with John at my parent's house where the discussion of names began.  When Nicol suggested the name Imke, after a German girl she had met earlier that year when she was traveling in Australia, we immediately loved it.  And it was settled.  She became the girl with the name that everyone mispronounced, a one-of-kind name here in the U.S.  A one-of-a-kind name for a one-of-a-kind dog.

The next day, we moved into our new house, and Imke was there with us from the minute we got the keys.  These are two of my favorite pictures from that day.  She was such an adorable little pup!

And then, the day after moving into our house, on Monday, December 1, we brought home our handsome Jake.  

Handsome Jake

And Imke met her first best friend.  Jake taught her all about how to be a good dog.  He was her constant wrestling partner and her favorite pillow.  They would be inseparable until the day he died 8 years and 10 months later.  

And our poor kitty, Spunky, who had been an only pet for 10 years, was not very happy with the new living situation...

Or with the new puppy who regularly stole his bed!

She loved her Jake so much and he tolerated her so well.  They played and they snuggled and they made me laugh regularly.

Just like any good GSP, Imke could make herself comfortable pretty much anywhere.  And she loved to snuggle with anyone who would let her.  She was so tiny!

And then, in the blink of an eye, she wasn't tiny anymore.

I sometimes forget just what a beautiful young lady she was with her solid brown head, before she became my sweet powdered-faced old girl.  I loved that big chocolate head of my new friend...but I loved that sweet gray face of my old friend even more.

She and Jake loved their first trip to the U.P. with us.  

She always loved being outdoors and she always loved sticks!

It took time, but eventually we all adjusted to having two crazy GSPs in the house, even Spunky.

Eventually they could even lie on the floor together.  She really did love that kitty of hers.  Even if he didn't love her back!

Like I said before, she and Jake were really inseparable.  

Wherever he went, she followed.  Wherever he sat...she had to be touching him.

But who wouldn't love this handsome face?

Before we knew it a whole year had gone by, our puppy celebrated her first birthday and her first Halloween.  

Their first big road trip outside of Michigan was our visit to the University of Kentucky.  We made that trip many more times through the years while Nicol was in school there.  It was all of this travel to Kentucky that trained Imke and me to be great road warriors and prepared us for all of our amazing adventures.

I had always hoped we would reach this day together and celebrate one more "gotcha day" but it was not meant to be.  However, it will always be a special day because it is the day that began our journey together.  Those three days November 29-December 1, 2003 will always be special because they changed my life.  They brought me two of the most amazing dogs, a love of GSPs, and a love of rescue.  They were the beginning of the journey that brought me here, to this time and place in my life, and I am so thankful for that.  I couldn't let the day pass without recognizing it's significance and taking a walk down memory lane.  Thanks for walking with me.  Happy Gotcha day, Imke!  I hope you, Jake, and Spunky are celebrating together!

Giving Thanks

I thought this week, in celebration of the Thanksgiving holiday, I would share a few things that I am thankful for in my life.  I have so much to be thankful for and, although I try to show gratitude for these things all year long, it is always nice to take time to reflect on all of the good in my life.  I am really very fortunate.  While I am far from wealthy, I have enough.  I have a home, my health, a good job, food, family, and friends.  I know that there are many people who are not nearly as lucky as I am.

I am thankful for my volunteer work and my rescue community.  I have met so many good people, people who care about doing good and helping others, and it has restored my faith in humanity.  I am so thankful that I have the good fortune to be able to help others who are less fortunate.  

While I have only had the opportunity to foster two dogs this year, I am so lucky that I was able to help them both.  I have been blessed with the opportunity to give Peaches a home to live out her life, a home where she is appreciated and loved...some may even say she's a bit spoiled.  And I am glad that I had the opportunity to meet Zi and give her a place to decompress from shelter life while she waits for her permanent home.  

While my ability to foster this year has been limited, I have continued to join our Dog Walking Club at the Shelter on Wednesdays and Saturdays.  These Wednesday night and Saturday morning walks give me the opportunity to spend time with friends and with our amazing shelter dogs.  

Through rain, sun, snow, hot and cold, and anything else any of our seasons throw at us, we are out there walking the shelter dogs and giving them a small break from their time at the shelter.  I'm especially lucky because I get to photograph these beautiful souls and spend a little one on one time loving each and every one of them.  Any bad day can be made better by spending a little time with a shelter dog.  We could all learn a lot from them about love and resilience and gratitude.  I am thankful for all that they have taught me over the years.  

I am so thankful for my ability to travel and all of the things I have seen and experienced.  I am also very thankful for my amazing travel buddies.  We have seen so many amazing things this year.  

I am thankful for my amazing work family without whom I wouldn't have been able to do all that I have this year.  Because of them I was able to take nearly a month off of work to travel to Alaska.  Because of them, I was able to spend more time with Imke in her final months and I was able to be with her at the very end.  I don't know if they will ever understand just how thankful I am for that gift of time.  What a great gift they are.

I am thankful every day for my beautiful daughter who has helped to make me the person I am today.  She is such a good person and she is always there for me.  I just don't know what I would do without her.  I am especially thankful that she got to join us on our trip to Alaska this year.  

Although it may seem silly, I am thankful for Peaches' bucket list.  It has gotten me out on new adventures and it has taken me back to places that I love.  It has given me something positive to focus on instead of always worrying about her cancer.  It also helped me through the days as Imke was nearing the end.  When you focus on adventures and happy times, on making memories and making sure that you are really living life, it is much easier to appreciate all of the good things that you have.  

One of the items on Peaches' bucket list was for the girls to get a picture with Santa..and I am thankful that I stopped in Christmas, MI while we were on our last U.P. trip so I could get this picture of all of the girls with Santa.  

I am thankful for the U.P., the North Country Trail, and all of the people I have met this year, even if only for a brief moment, those meetings were all a part of this great adventure of life.

I am thankful for Maddie who has been there with me for a lot of good and bad times.  I don't feel like I say enough what an amazing girl she is.  I am thankful that she loves me despite my shortcomings.

I am thankful for my quiet Thanksgiving at home this year.  It is the first Thanksgiving meal I've cooked and it turned out pretty good.  It was nice to spend a quiet day at home with my girls.  The girls were thankful to have Nicol home and they made the most of her time here.

I am sure that this list doesn't include everything, but I am really full of gratitude today, and every day.  I've found that living a grateful life is really the best way to live a happy life.  

As we move into the holiday season, I want to wish you all a season of peace, joy, and love.  I hope you all get to spend the holidays focused on the really important things and that you get to spend quality time with those you love.  

From me, Maddie, and Peaches-we thank you for following our adventures this year and wish you the happiest of holidays!  

Moving Forward

As I sit here this Sunday morning, like I have done so many Sunday mornings before, sitting on the bed surrounded by my girls, it is easy to notice that someone is missing.  It has been 11 days since Imke left us.  While some days it doesn't seem long at all, other times it feels much longer.  Overall, we are doing well, but what a whirlwind of life and emotions have happened in those 11 days.

I have been overwhelmed by the love and good thoughts I have received on her loss.  I am thankful for everyone who took the time to comment on my Facebook and Instagram posts, to text, email, and to reach out in person; to those who sent cards with beautiful words and to all of those who gave me hugs; and for the beautiful gifts I have received.  It has been so helpful to know that I wasn't alone in mourning my loss and that she has left an impact on so many others.

Of all of us who loved Imke, poor Maddie has taken the loss hardest.  So hard, in fact, that she ended up at the Veterinarian the very next day.  She had me so worried that morning when she woke up, unsteady on her feet, unable to walk well, wobbly, stumbling, and falling over.  She was barely able to stand at her food dish and wanted nothing to do with her normal kibble.  I was thankful that I still had some rice, pork, and veggie mixture that I had made for Imke and that Maddie was willing to eat it.  It was a very long hour and a half waiting for our vet office to open so that she could be seen.  All I could think was how I couldn't bare to lose her too.

We arrived at the vet that morning and everyone there was so wonderful.  They all knew I had just lost Imke and I received so much love from them for that loss, but they also took excellent care of Maddie who was a bit nervous to be there.  After triaging her and running some tests, we were called back to be seen by one of the veterinarians.  Thankfully they could find nothing physically wrong with her, instead, I was told this was all just a reaction to the loss of her friend.  How sad I was to know that she was so grief-stricken by her loss.  I had never stopped to think that in the nearly 8 and 1/2 years Maddie has been in our lives, she had spent nearly every day, 24 hours a day, with Imke,  She spent more time with her than anyone else during those years and of course that loss would hit her hard.

She was prescribed some anti-anxiety medication and I promised her some one on one time with me for the day.  We visited a friend for lunch, ran some errands, and then took a nice walk in the woods.  While I still had to bribe her with rice and pork for dinner that night, thankfully she started to act a bit more normally.  She still hasn't fully recovered-there are days that she still doesn't want to eat her food, but I am doing my best to give her lots of love, attention, and time to heal.

For the most part, Peaches seems to be okay with the loss.  She has definitely been ready to give love to me and to Maddie when we need it, but her happy, crazy personality still shines strong every day.  There are some areas that I notice she realizes that someone is missing, but in general she has been just what I needed.  I now know why she ended up in my home this year...and she is right where she belongs.

For several days after Imke's passing, no one would sit in the chair where she had passed.  Maddie, Imke, Bentley...me.  They would walk up and sniff the chair, but no one would climb in.  Bentley was the first to get over the hump and resume sitting there.  Over the last few days, Maddie has also been found lounging in the chair.  I mainly find her there when I come home after work...as if she is lying there to be closer to Imke while I'm gone.  As soon as I am home, though, she sits with me on the couch.  Peaches loves that chair and previously that is where she would spend most of her evenings while we watched t.v., but since Imke died, she refuses to sit in it still.  Last night, with the couch full, she continued to pace back and forth looking for somewhere to lie down.  I tried to guide her to the chair, she walked up and sniffed it, and then turned and walked away.  I know that there has to be a reason that she still hasn't climbed up there and I will not force her.  But it is pathetic to watch her pace, trying to find a place to relax.  Generally she's been in my lap or very near to me...always having to touch me before she can rest for the night.

In addition to Imke's loss, my grandfather passed away earlier this week.  He was 90 (he would have turned 91 in February) and lived a good long life.  He's had a difficult year since my grandma passed last December and he is now reunited with her.  We should all be so lucky as he was to live such a good life.

Travel to my grandpa's funeral offered me the perfect opportunity to help with a German Shorthaired Pointer in need.  I would be driving right by the shelter she was located in so I volunteered to pull her on my way home and keep her as a temporary foster in my home until a transport could be arranged to a more permanent foster home or forever home.  In an effort to help the girls recover, I thought that maybe getting back to our routine of fostering might be helpful.  Maybe a temporary friend would be good for Maddie and give Peaches someone to play with her.

So on Friday afternoon, Snitzie(she was named by the winner of the ISR Silent Auction item to "Name a Foster dog"-I've been calling her Zi) came into my home.  She is approximately 5 years old and is the calmest 5 year-old GSP I've ever met.  I wasn't really sure how Peaches would react to having a new girl in the house, but she has been very good.  All Peaches really wants is to be her friend, but Zi hasn't shown any interest in playing.  She is very cute, very sweet, and very mellow.  Other than going outside to go potty and getting up to eat, she really hasn't done much more than sleep.  She's been to the self-serve dog wash because she really needed a bath and today I got to take her on a walk.  She really did great. I'm hoping she starts to come out of her shell a bit over the next few days.

So we continue forward in our lives, still missing our friend, but trying to get into a normal routine without her.

I am looking forward to a short work week with Thanksgiving this weekend and hopefully some fun adventures with the girls over the next few weeks as we continue to work on Peaches bucket list.  This will be her first Holiday season with us and I am looking forward to lots of great new firsts and making lots of new memories.

The Final Movement of a Beautiful Symphony

I began to write this while we were on vacation in Copper Harbor last month.  I had thoughts rolling around in my head that I was sure I needed to share, but as I wrote, I realized I had driven over 500 miles to be in that place and I decided that I didn't want to waste my limited time there sitting in my room staring at a computer screen.  So I shut down the computer, got the girls in the Jeep, and went out to make some memories...because our time for making memories together was coming to end...much too soon.  I thought I may pick up the computer and continue to write as we sat in our room after dark, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it because it just felt like I needed to be in the moment at that moment.  I am glad I made the decision to stay focused on the moment, to pay attention to the time and place, to live right there in those moments because I will never get them back.  Since I sat the computer down all those days ago, I've had time to think, time to reflect on what I really wanted to say, and time to make precious memories to share.   After finishing my blog last week, I felt like this week would be the time to continue and share this story.  And then on Wednesday, we lost our Imke. 

The Sunday we left for the U.P., I watched a video on Facebook done by a friend who shared the following quote that she had read..."Don't die with your music still in you."  With everything that was going on in my life at that moment, that simple statement really spoke to me.  I've thought about it a lot over the last month.  And I can't believe how fitting it is right now.  It is a statement that says to me, don't leave anything left unsaid and don't leave anything left undone.  It says that you should live your passion and share your gifts.  It says to be who you are and love who you are and let others see you.  It is amazing that so few words can say so much.

That sentence became the backdrop for our trip into Copper Harbor, for the last month, and ultimately, I believe, for my life.

Mackinac Bridge

When we stopped at the Mackinac Bridge on our way North, we were all excited to be there, just like always.  The girls enjoyed a walk on the beach, some time in the water, and the obligatory picture with the Bridge in the background.  As we turned to leave, Imke paused, turned around, took a deep breath, and stood there savoring the smells of the wind coming off of the lake.  It was then that I knew, she realized exactly what this trip was...it was my chance to give her one last U.P. adventure, and she was going to enjoy it and soak it all in.

Miners Beach

We spent time at all of our favorite places and at each one, after we had spent our time there and were preparing to leave, she would stop, close her eyes, and just enjoy the moment.

Esrey Park

She had a couple of restless nights while we were in Copper Harbor, but she came alive when we were out exploring.  She soaked in the smells of Esrey Park and, of course, checked out the grills at the park to make sure no goodies had been left behind, and then she sat in the grass and watched the lake.

She ate snow at the top of Brockway Mountain.  She loved to eat now her whole life, but there was something extra special about Keweenaw snow.   I was so glad that she had the opportunity to experience one last snowfall while we were there.

Great Sand Bay

We savored a quiet moment together, just the two of us, on the beach at Great Sand Bay.  We had many adventures there over the last few years and it seemed a fitting last stop on our Keweenaw adventure.  I was lucky enough to get one last picture of her doing what she'd done so many other times-sitting on my lap at the beach.

Great Sand Bay

She continued to enjoy the smell of the woods and the wind as we slowly walked back to the Jeep preparing to leave the Keweenaw behind one last time.

We made a stop for the night in Munising and made sure to visit Bayshore Park for one last dip in Superior before heading to Wagner Falls and then heading South toward home.

She made herself comfortable in the front seat, soaking in the sun, as we continued our journey toward home.

Lake Michigan

And she enjoyed our stop at Lake Michigan, biting at the waves, and exploring the beach grass.  We made a final stop in St. Ignace and then crossed the Bridge with the windows down so she could smell the air as we crossed.  She was too weak to stand with her head out the window that day, but I didn't want her to miss out on one of her favorite things and her nose was in the air sniffing away the entire time.

We returned home and she was happy to be here.  She spent time hunting for the mouse in our wood pile and trotting around the yard after squirrels.  She was out there hunting for squirrels until the end.

She continued to enjoy playing with her toys and cuddling with anyone who would cuddle with her.

There were even days when she would initiate play with Peaches and Peaches was happy to oblige.

We were lucky enough to celebrate Halloween, which she always loved because she knew it meant treats and pumpkin.

While she wasn't always excited about eating her breakfast or dinner, she was still excited to look for special treats any time she had the opportunity.  She continued to wait patiently for veggies as I cooked dinner and came out to the kitchen every morning for her blackberry snack as I made my yogurt.  And she would trot over to the closet each morning as I prepared to leave for work and she would sit nicely and shake if asked, before enjoying a treat.

We had a nice walk together on Monday night and I allowed her to lead the way.  We slowly moved around the neighborhood, receiving love from some neighborhood kids, and really enjoying our time together.  I will fondly remember that walk because it really made me slow down and enjoy the beautiful Fall evening.  Little did I know that it would be our last walk together.

Tuesday was rainy, so we did not go out, but we had a nice night at home.  Dinner, followed by begging for my dinner, and then a good snuggle while I watched TV...and then after her final evening potty break, she headed off to bed and, when I didn't immediately follow, she came out to remind me that I should come to bed too.  In hindsight, it was the perfect way to spend our last night together.

Wednesday started like any other day and I never expected that it would end without her.  But her body was tired and her heart finally just gave out.  I was there with her at home when she took her final breath and when her heart beat for the last time.  I feel so fortunate to have been there and I am so glad that her passing was peaceful.  In those final moments, I was strong for her, like she had been for me throughout the years, I let her know how special she was, how loved she was, and that I would miss her so very much, but I would be okay.  I can't imagine a better way for her to go and I was able to keep my promise to be by her side, holding her paw until the very end.

It has now been a few days since she left us.  While I am so sad that she is no longer here, I am so glad that we had such an amazing life together.  Over the last several months, we have made sure to let our music play.  We have visited the important places and said goodbye to those she loved best.  Nothing was left undone, nothing was left unsaid.  She really lived her life on her own terms to the very end; no regrets.

Imke was truly the matriarch of our little family.  We all miss her so much and it is going to take some time before we adjust to our life without her.   The house is quieter without her in it and our hearts ache, but our lives are better because she was in it.  A piece of her will be with me always, for the rest of my life.