The Final Movement of a Beautiful Symphony

I began to write this while we were on vacation in Copper Harbor last month.  I had thoughts rolling around in my head that I was sure I needed to share, but as I wrote, I realized I had driven over 500 miles to be in that place and I decided that I didn't want to waste my limited time there sitting in my room staring at a computer screen.  So I shut down the computer, got the girls in the Jeep, and went out to make some memories...because our time for making memories together was coming to end...much too soon.  I thought I may pick up the computer and continue to write as we sat in our room after dark, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it because it just felt like I needed to be in the moment at that moment.  I am glad I made the decision to stay focused on the moment, to pay attention to the time and place, to live right there in those moments because I will never get them back.  Since I sat the computer down all those days ago, I've had time to think, time to reflect on what I really wanted to say, and time to make precious memories to share.   After finishing my blog last week, I felt like this week would be the time to continue and share this story.  And then on Wednesday, we lost our Imke. 

The Sunday we left for the U.P., I watched a video on Facebook done by a friend who shared the following quote that she had read..."Don't die with your music still in you."  With everything that was going on in my life at that moment, that simple statement really spoke to me.  I've thought about it a lot over the last month.  And I can't believe how fitting it is right now.  It is a statement that says to me, don't leave anything left unsaid and don't leave anything left undone.  It says that you should live your passion and share your gifts.  It says to be who you are and love who you are and let others see you.  It is amazing that so few words can say so much.

That sentence became the backdrop for our trip into Copper Harbor, for the last month, and ultimately, I believe, for my life.

Mackinac Bridge

When we stopped at the Mackinac Bridge on our way North, we were all excited to be there, just like always.  The girls enjoyed a walk on the beach, some time in the water, and the obligatory picture with the Bridge in the background.  As we turned to leave, Imke paused, turned around, took a deep breath, and stood there savoring the smells of the wind coming off of the lake.  It was then that I knew, she realized exactly what this trip was...it was my chance to give her one last U.P. adventure, and she was going to enjoy it and soak it all in.

Miners Beach

We spent time at all of our favorite places and at each one, after we had spent our time there and were preparing to leave, she would stop, close her eyes, and just enjoy the moment.

Esrey Park

She had a couple of restless nights while we were in Copper Harbor, but she came alive when we were out exploring.  She soaked in the smells of Esrey Park and, of course, checked out the grills at the park to make sure no goodies had been left behind, and then she sat in the grass and watched the lake.

She ate snow at the top of Brockway Mountain.  She loved to eat now her whole life, but there was something extra special about Keweenaw snow.   I was so glad that she had the opportunity to experience one last snowfall while we were there.

Great Sand Bay

We savored a quiet moment together, just the two of us, on the beach at Great Sand Bay.  We had many adventures there over the last few years and it seemed a fitting last stop on our Keweenaw adventure.  I was lucky enough to get one last picture of her doing what she'd done so many other times-sitting on my lap at the beach.

Great Sand Bay

She continued to enjoy the smell of the woods and the wind as we slowly walked back to the Jeep preparing to leave the Keweenaw behind one last time.

We made a stop for the night in Munising and made sure to visit Bayshore Park for one last dip in Superior before heading to Wagner Falls and then heading South toward home.

She made herself comfortable in the front seat, soaking in the sun, as we continued our journey toward home.

Lake Michigan

And she enjoyed our stop at Lake Michigan, biting at the waves, and exploring the beach grass.  We made a final stop in St. Ignace and then crossed the Bridge with the windows down so she could smell the air as we crossed.  She was too weak to stand with her head out the window that day, but I didn't want her to miss out on one of her favorite things and her nose was in the air sniffing away the entire time.

We returned home and she was happy to be here.  She spent time hunting for the mouse in our wood pile and trotting around the yard after squirrels.  She was out there hunting for squirrels until the end.

She continued to enjoy playing with her toys and cuddling with anyone who would cuddle with her.

There were even days when she would initiate play with Peaches and Peaches was happy to oblige.

We were lucky enough to celebrate Halloween, which she always loved because she knew it meant treats and pumpkin.

While she wasn't always excited about eating her breakfast or dinner, she was still excited to look for special treats any time she had the opportunity.  She continued to wait patiently for veggies as I cooked dinner and came out to the kitchen every morning for her blackberry snack as I made my yogurt.  And she would trot over to the closet each morning as I prepared to leave for work and she would sit nicely and shake if asked, before enjoying a treat.

We had a nice walk together on Monday night and I allowed her to lead the way.  We slowly moved around the neighborhood, receiving love from some neighborhood kids, and really enjoying our time together.  I will fondly remember that walk because it really made me slow down and enjoy the beautiful Fall evening.  Little did I know that it would be our last walk together.

Tuesday was rainy, so we did not go out, but we had a nice night at home.  Dinner, followed by begging for my dinner, and then a good snuggle while I watched TV...and then after her final evening potty break, she headed off to bed and, when I didn't immediately follow, she came out to remind me that I should come to bed too.  In hindsight, it was the perfect way to spend our last night together.

Wednesday started like any other day and I never expected that it would end without her.  But her body was tired and her heart finally just gave out.  I was there with her at home when she took her final breath and when her heart beat for the last time.  I feel so fortunate to have been there and I am so glad that her passing was peaceful.  In those final moments, I was strong for her, like she had been for me throughout the years, I let her know how special she was, how loved she was, and that I would miss her so very much, but I would be okay.  I can't imagine a better way for her to go and I was able to keep my promise to be by her side, holding her paw until the very end.

It has now been a few days since she left us.  While I am so sad that she is no longer here, I am so glad that we had such an amazing life together.  Over the last several months, we have made sure to let our music play.  We have visited the important places and said goodbye to those she loved best.  Nothing was left undone, nothing was left unsaid.  She really lived her life on her own terms to the very end; no regrets.

Imke was truly the matriarch of our little family.  We all miss her so much and it is going to take some time before we adjust to our life without her.   The house is quieter without her in it and our hearts ache, but our lives are better because she was in it.  A piece of her will be with me always, for the rest of my life.