Memories, Emotions, and Making it through the day

Earlier this week marked one year since our return from our epic trip to Alaska.  All of the memories of that trip have me feeling a bit emotional.  I am reminded of the amazing things we experienced, I am reminded how much I want to go back, but mostly I'm reminded of one important little part of my life that is missing.  I have a feeling the next few months are going to continue to be hard for me.  The emotions of missing someone you love and grieving that loss, well, they are unpredictable.  I wouldn't have expected to be feeling them so strongly as I am now, nine months after her passing, but I may be feeling them more now than I have any other time in the last nine months.

Grief is a strange beast and loss is so final.  Imke was part of my life and adventures for 15 years so it isn't unreasonable to be grieving still, but sometimes I think I feel guilty for still feeling her loss.  I can imagine some people saying "she was just a dog" or thinking I should just move on with life.  And for the most part, we have all moved on with life because we have no choice.  She isn't here and I can't bring her back, but there are days that I feel like I still need her.  And those days are hard...because I realize for the rest of my life, for most likely 30+ years, she won't be here.  

I had a tough week with a rollercoaster of emotions and, in the past, when Imke was alive, she would have been there to watch over me, to take care of me, and to make sure that I was okay.  There are days that I wish I could just hug her...just one more time.   This week I had several of those days.

Without Imke here, I am noticing that Peaches is starting to step into that role a bit more.  I think she could tell that I wasn't quite myself this week and she was willing to calm down and give me a little more love.  It was much appreciated and confirmed even more that she came into my life for a reason.  

I've also noticed that not only is Peaches watching out for me, but she is also taking care of Maddie.  Maddie is my soft, sensitive girl who also struggles with loss and change.  Over the course of this week, I have noticed some very tender moments between the girls, things I have never seen before from them.  While I would have always said that they liked each other, I think this week I've noticed a growing sisterly love between them.  It just touches my heart.  

So as life goes on, with both good and bad days, with losses and gains, with adventures and love, I am ever appreciative of these silly brown spotty dogs who bring me so much joy, comfort, and unconditional love.  Every day is better because they are in my life.