Moving Forward

As I sit here this Sunday morning, like I have done so many Sunday mornings before, sitting on the bed surrounded by my girls, it is easy to notice that someone is missing.  It has been 11 days since Imke left us.  While some days it doesn't seem long at all, other times it feels much longer.  Overall, we are doing well, but what a whirlwind of life and emotions have happened in those 11 days.

I have been overwhelmed by the love and good thoughts I have received on her loss.  I am thankful for everyone who took the time to comment on my Facebook and Instagram posts, to text, email, and to reach out in person; to those who sent cards with beautiful words and to all of those who gave me hugs; and for the beautiful gifts I have received.  It has been so helpful to know that I wasn't alone in mourning my loss and that she has left an impact on so many others.

Of all of us who loved Imke, poor Maddie has taken the loss hardest.  So hard, in fact, that she ended up at the Veterinarian the very next day.  She had me so worried that morning when she woke up, unsteady on her feet, unable to walk well, wobbly, stumbling, and falling over.  She was barely able to stand at her food dish and wanted nothing to do with her normal kibble.  I was thankful that I still had some rice, pork, and veggie mixture that I had made for Imke and that Maddie was willing to eat it.  It was a very long hour and a half waiting for our vet office to open so that she could be seen.  All I could think was how I couldn't bare to lose her too.

We arrived at the vet that morning and everyone there was so wonderful.  They all knew I had just lost Imke and I received so much love from them for that loss, but they also took excellent care of Maddie who was a bit nervous to be there.  After triaging her and running some tests, we were called back to be seen by one of the veterinarians.  Thankfully they could find nothing physically wrong with her, instead, I was told this was all just a reaction to the loss of her friend.  How sad I was to know that she was so grief-stricken by her loss.  I had never stopped to think that in the nearly 8 and 1/2 years Maddie has been in our lives, she had spent nearly every day, 24 hours a day, with Imke,  She spent more time with her than anyone else during those years and of course that loss would hit her hard.

She was prescribed some anti-anxiety medication and I promised her some one on one time with me for the day.  We visited a friend for lunch, ran some errands, and then took a nice walk in the woods.  While I still had to bribe her with rice and pork for dinner that night, thankfully she started to act a bit more normally.  She still hasn't fully recovered-there are days that she still doesn't want to eat her food, but I am doing my best to give her lots of love, attention, and time to heal.

For the most part, Peaches seems to be okay with the loss.  She has definitely been ready to give love to me and to Maddie when we need it, but her happy, crazy personality still shines strong every day.  There are some areas that I notice she realizes that someone is missing, but in general she has been just what I needed.  I now know why she ended up in my home this year...and she is right where she belongs.

For several days after Imke's passing, no one would sit in the chair where she had passed.  Maddie, Imke, Bentley...me.  They would walk up and sniff the chair, but no one would climb in.  Bentley was the first to get over the hump and resume sitting there.  Over the last few days, Maddie has also been found lounging in the chair.  I mainly find her there when I come home after work...as if she is lying there to be closer to Imke while I'm gone.  As soon as I am home, though, she sits with me on the couch.  Peaches loves that chair and previously that is where she would spend most of her evenings while we watched t.v., but since Imke died, she refuses to sit in it still.  Last night, with the couch full, she continued to pace back and forth looking for somewhere to lie down.  I tried to guide her to the chair, she walked up and sniffed it, and then turned and walked away.  I know that there has to be a reason that she still hasn't climbed up there and I will not force her.  But it is pathetic to watch her pace, trying to find a place to relax.  Generally she's been in my lap or very near to me...always having to touch me before she can rest for the night.

In addition to Imke's loss, my grandfather passed away earlier this week.  He was 90 (he would have turned 91 in February) and lived a good long life.  He's had a difficult year since my grandma passed last December and he is now reunited with her.  We should all be so lucky as he was to live such a good life.

Travel to my grandpa's funeral offered me the perfect opportunity to help with a German Shorthaired Pointer in need.  I would be driving right by the shelter she was located in so I volunteered to pull her on my way home and keep her as a temporary foster in my home until a transport could be arranged to a more permanent foster home or forever home.  In an effort to help the girls recover, I thought that maybe getting back to our routine of fostering might be helpful.  Maybe a temporary friend would be good for Maddie and give Peaches someone to play with her.

So on Friday afternoon, Snitzie(she was named by the winner of the ISR Silent Auction item to "Name a Foster dog"-I've been calling her Zi) came into my home.  She is approximately 5 years old and is the calmest 5 year-old GSP I've ever met.  I wasn't really sure how Peaches would react to having a new girl in the house, but she has been very good.  All Peaches really wants is to be her friend, but Zi hasn't shown any interest in playing.  She is very cute, very sweet, and very mellow.  Other than going outside to go potty and getting up to eat, she really hasn't done much more than sleep.  She's been to the self-serve dog wash because she really needed a bath and today I got to take her on a walk.  She really did great. I'm hoping she starts to come out of her shell a bit over the next few days.

So we continue forward in our lives, still missing our friend, but trying to get into a normal routine without her.

I am looking forward to a short work week with Thanksgiving this weekend and hopefully some fun adventures with the girls over the next few weeks as we continue to work on Peaches bucket list.  This will be her first Holiday season with us and I am looking forward to lots of great new firsts and making lots of new memories.

The Final Movement of a Beautiful Symphony

I began to write this while we were on vacation in Copper Harbor last month.  I had thoughts rolling around in my head that I was sure I needed to share, but as I wrote, I realized I had driven over 500 miles to be in that place and I decided that I didn't want to waste my limited time there sitting in my room staring at a computer screen.  So I shut down the computer, got the girls in the Jeep, and went out to make some memories...because our time for making memories together was coming to end...much too soon.  I thought I may pick up the computer and continue to write as we sat in our room after dark, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it because it just felt like I needed to be in the moment at that moment.  I am glad I made the decision to stay focused on the moment, to pay attention to the time and place, to live right there in those moments because I will never get them back.  Since I sat the computer down all those days ago, I've had time to think, time to reflect on what I really wanted to say, and time to make precious memories to share.   After finishing my blog last week, I felt like this week would be the time to continue and share this story.  And then on Wednesday, we lost our Imke. 

The Sunday we left for the U.P., I watched a video on Facebook done by a friend who shared the following quote that she had read..."Don't die with your music still in you."  With everything that was going on in my life at that moment, that simple statement really spoke to me.  I've thought about it a lot over the last month.  And I can't believe how fitting it is right now.  It is a statement that says to me, don't leave anything left unsaid and don't leave anything left undone.  It says that you should live your passion and share your gifts.  It says to be who you are and love who you are and let others see you.  It is amazing that so few words can say so much.

That sentence became the backdrop for our trip into Copper Harbor, for the last month, and ultimately, I believe, for my life.

Mackinac Bridge

When we stopped at the Mackinac Bridge on our way North, we were all excited to be there, just like always.  The girls enjoyed a walk on the beach, some time in the water, and the obligatory picture with the Bridge in the background.  As we turned to leave, Imke paused, turned around, took a deep breath, and stood there savoring the smells of the wind coming off of the lake.  It was then that I knew, she realized exactly what this trip was...it was my chance to give her one last U.P. adventure, and she was going to enjoy it and soak it all in.

Miners Beach

We spent time at all of our favorite places and at each one, after we had spent our time there and were preparing to leave, she would stop, close her eyes, and just enjoy the moment.

Esrey Park

She had a couple of restless nights while we were in Copper Harbor, but she came alive when we were out exploring.  She soaked in the smells of Esrey Park and, of course, checked out the grills at the park to make sure no goodies had been left behind, and then she sat in the grass and watched the lake.

She ate snow at the top of Brockway Mountain.  She loved to eat now her whole life, but there was something extra special about Keweenaw snow.   I was so glad that she had the opportunity to experience one last snowfall while we were there.

Great Sand Bay

We savored a quiet moment together, just the two of us, on the beach at Great Sand Bay.  We had many adventures there over the last few years and it seemed a fitting last stop on our Keweenaw adventure.  I was lucky enough to get one last picture of her doing what she'd done so many other times-sitting on my lap at the beach.

Great Sand Bay

She continued to enjoy the smell of the woods and the wind as we slowly walked back to the Jeep preparing to leave the Keweenaw behind one last time.

We made a stop for the night in Munising and made sure to visit Bayshore Park for one last dip in Superior before heading to Wagner Falls and then heading South toward home.

She made herself comfortable in the front seat, soaking in the sun, as we continued our journey toward home.

Lake Michigan

And she enjoyed our stop at Lake Michigan, biting at the waves, and exploring the beach grass.  We made a final stop in St. Ignace and then crossed the Bridge with the windows down so she could smell the air as we crossed.  She was too weak to stand with her head out the window that day, but I didn't want her to miss out on one of her favorite things and her nose was in the air sniffing away the entire time.

We returned home and she was happy to be here.  She spent time hunting for the mouse in our wood pile and trotting around the yard after squirrels.  She was out there hunting for squirrels until the end.

She continued to enjoy playing with her toys and cuddling with anyone who would cuddle with her.

There were even days when she would initiate play with Peaches and Peaches was happy to oblige.

We were lucky enough to celebrate Halloween, which she always loved because she knew it meant treats and pumpkin.

While she wasn't always excited about eating her breakfast or dinner, she was still excited to look for special treats any time she had the opportunity.  She continued to wait patiently for veggies as I cooked dinner and came out to the kitchen every morning for her blackberry snack as I made my yogurt.  And she would trot over to the closet each morning as I prepared to leave for work and she would sit nicely and shake if asked, before enjoying a treat.

We had a nice walk together on Monday night and I allowed her to lead the way.  We slowly moved around the neighborhood, receiving love from some neighborhood kids, and really enjoying our time together.  I will fondly remember that walk because it really made me slow down and enjoy the beautiful Fall evening.  Little did I know that it would be our last walk together.

Tuesday was rainy, so we did not go out, but we had a nice night at home.  Dinner, followed by begging for my dinner, and then a good snuggle while I watched TV...and then after her final evening potty break, she headed off to bed and, when I didn't immediately follow, she came out to remind me that I should come to bed too.  In hindsight, it was the perfect way to spend our last night together.

Wednesday started like any other day and I never expected that it would end without her.  But her body was tired and her heart finally just gave out.  I was there with her at home when she took her final breath and when her heart beat for the last time.  I feel so fortunate to have been there and I am so glad that her passing was peaceful.  In those final moments, I was strong for her, like she had been for me throughout the years, I let her know how special she was, how loved she was, and that I would miss her so very much, but I would be okay.  I can't imagine a better way for her to go and I was able to keep my promise to be by her side, holding her paw until the very end.

It has now been a few days since she left us.  While I am so sad that she is no longer here, I am so glad that we had such an amazing life together.  Over the last several months, we have made sure to let our music play.  We have visited the important places and said goodbye to those she loved best.  Nothing was left undone, nothing was left unsaid.  She really lived her life on her own terms to the very end; no regrets.

Imke was truly the matriarch of our little family.  We all miss her so much and it is going to take some time before we adjust to our life without her.   The house is quieter without her in it and our hearts ache, but our lives are better because she was in it.  A piece of her will be with me always, for the rest of my life.

The best dog ever

When you bring home a puppy, you never know what you're going to get...or how much time you will have.  Some people get a few months, some get a few years, and, if you are lucky like me, you get a lifetime.  I have been blessed beyond measure to get 15 years with my puppy.  From the first time a saw that little brown head until the last moment I see that beautiful gray face, it has been an amazing ride.

Imke was the last female in her litter and I was determined to have a girl, so I believe it is fate that we were brought together.  I wasn't even there to pick her up when she entered our family.  The first time I saw her was in a tiny little picture from a cell phone camera, which, let's admit it, in 2003 those weren't the greatest cameras.  But it wasn't long after seeing that picture that I met her in person.  She was quiet, shy, and reserved.  She had ears and paws that were way too big for her body, but she grew into them.  And she was the most beautiful puppy I had ever seen.

Over the years we had our ups and downs, our trials and tribulations.  But we were lucky to be able to face them all together.  She has always been loyal; the most loyal dog I have ever had.  She has always been sensitive and grew to be very in tune with my feelings...I can't cry in the presence of Imke without her coming to check on me.  She knows when I'm sick or not feeling well.  Even in her exuberant youth, she was calm and quiet and would lie cuddled by my side in bed any time I had a migraine.   She just wanted to make sure someone was there to take care of me...and she was always there.

She certainly didn't stay that quiet, shy puppy of our first meeting.  She grew to have a bold, confident, sassy personality.  She is independent-spirited and strong-willed; some may even call her stubborn, but she has always been the dog I knew would never stray far from me.  I trusted her and she trusted me.  She still trusts me and I am honored to have that trust.

While she certainly has a voice of her own and isn't afraid to use it, especially to demand a treat, in the areas that really matter...her health and welfare, her life and death, I am her voice.  It is an awesome responsibility, but one I will not shy away from and one that I will always find to be one of the most important responsibilities of my life.

It has been a true privilege to be her mom, the one and only mom she has ever had.  She is one of the lucky ones that never ended up abandoned or alone, never ended up in a shelter or had to be rescued.  The day she came home to me at 7 weeks old, she was really truly home.  And for the rest of my life, she will remain with me, in my heart.  Wherever I go, she will be there, we will never really be apart.

How lucky am I to have found a love so true, so pure?

When you bring a puppy home, you never know what you are going to get, but I got more than I ever could have wanted, more than I ever could have expected.  I got a lifetime of adventures and a life time of love.  I got the best dog ever.

I wrote this post late Tuesday night while I was up with a very restless Imke.  I saved it with plans to add a couple pictures before posting.  But tonight I am sharing this with you because Imke died today.  It was a peaceful passing at home with me by her side.  I am blessed that she allowed me to be there at the end of her journey and that she didn't make me decide when it was time...she decided on her own.  Imke lived life to the fullest, she loved life, and she lived it on her own terms.  She was stubborn and sassy, but also loyal, loving and true.  She really was the best friend I've ever had and I will miss all of her silly antics.   But she is now reunited with her favorite kitty, her boy Jake, and a handful of her foster friends and other dog friends that we have lost along the way.  I know she is happy and healthy again and she is doing all the things she's ever loved...and eating all the treats her little heart desires, while her tail wags wildly the whole time, just like it always did.

This is the last picture I took of her beautiful face and it will always remind me of a very special moment with my very special girl as we snuggled together last night.  Thank you all for sharing her journey.  She was definitely one-of-a-kind.  Rest Peacefully my sweet, sweet girl.  You deserve it.

Imke October 5, 2003- November 7, 2018

The Season of Ghouls and Goblins

Good morning and Happy Sunday!  Welcome to the first day of the return to "Standard" time-the day we get an extra hour in the day to make up for the one we lost in March.  To be honest, I prefer daylight savings time to standard time because I prefer more light at the end of my work day, but this day of "falling back" was timed very well for some much needed extra sleep!  Luckily the girls agreed and we all got a little extra rest last night. 

We have had a busy and eventful week full of Halloween activities.  The Halloween holiday is one of my favorites because it is fun.  It gives everyone a chance to dress up and act silly.  Plus there's candy!   I love to watch the excitement of the trick-or-treaters as they come to my door.   I especially love it because of the fun opportunities it gives me for a couple of adventures close to home with the girls. 

Our Halloween fun always starts with a trip to Howl-o-ween in Lansing's Old Town.  The event is sponsored by Preuss' Pet store and several local businesses participate.  I've been taking Imke and Maddie since the event started several years ago and it is one of their favorite things to do every year and this year was no different.  There was much excitement and barking as I brought the costumes up from the basement.  Imke clearly knew what was about to happen!

After getting everyone dressed, we hopped in the Jeep, and we were off.  I wanted to make sure that Peaches got the full Howl-o-ween experience and with her leash-reactivity issues around other dogs, we needed to get there early to avoid the crowds. 

We arrived just before the event started and I got Peaches out to go on her trick-or-treating adventure.  She can be a handful so it just made sense for me to take her all on her own.  She learned quickly that if she sat nicely for the people in front of the store, that she would be rewarded.  We made the rounds, she got to eat some treats, and we saved some treats for later.  And as things started to get busier, we headed back to the Jeep so Imke and Maddie could have their turn too.

While both of the girls love trick-or-treating, their approach to the event and the parts they enjoy most are vastly different.  Maddie is excited to be out meeting new friends of both the two-legged and four-legged variety.  She especially enjoys stopping to let kids pet her, snuggling right in for some love.  She is always excited to find a stop with a big bowl of water for a good long drink.  She also enjoys getting treats and frequently tries to stick her head in the bags or pumpkins of other trick-or-treaters to steal a tasty bite.  There isn't much about this adventure that Maddie doesn't love.

Imke, on the other hand, only cares about meeting people if they have something to offer...and for her that means food.  There is no need to pet her, she is on a mission to get treats!  She does enjoy meeting other furry friends, but after a quick sniff hello, she is ready to move on to the next stop...with food.  She is ever opportunistic and, even though someone has given her a treat, she is sure that they would love to give her more.   And she will turn on the charm.  First she will sit.  She will stay there sitting nicely, looking pretty with her big brown eyes and perky ears.  If sitting doesn't work, she will offer a paw for a shake or a high-five, still waiting patiently, sure that these tricks will end in a reward.  Finally, if there are no treats forthcoming, she will nudge gently with her nose before she loses patience and barks.  Generally, one of these offering will end in reward.  Her persistence has paid off!  And then, with some serious coaxing from mom (because who wants to walk away from free treats?), we will move on to the next stop. 

After visiting all of the stores and ending up with a bag full of goodies, we headed back to get Peaches so we could take a short walk along the riverwalk together.  It was a beautiful fall evening and a great time was had by all!

Another fun activity the girls enjoy every year is pumpkin carving.  While they are clearly not able to help carve a pumpkin, they do love to eat pumpkin!  

Imke has helped with this activity for all of her life and was barking with excitement as I started to cut the top open.  This year, in her enthusiasm, she even grabbed a hold of he pumpkin and took a bite out of the top!  Silly goof!  She was just so excited for a special treat!

I had an audience as I carved and they all were treated to some pumpkin innards for being so helpful.

Of course Imke didn't think I was giving her enough attention or pumpkin treats and wanted to make sure I knew she was there.

The best part is that after the pumpkins are carved, I always have enough pumpkin to add to their meals for several days afterwards.  It is a healthy treat that they all thoroughly enjoy.  

Finally it was here, Halloween night!  Bentley joined us for the festivities and I wanted to get a nice picture of everyone outside with my decorations.  But as anyone who has a GSP knows, I nice picture with four dogs doesn't always work out at planned.  There were far too many interesting things to smell...especially since the neighborhood squirrel population has found my yard to be a great place to come for a mid-afternoon snack lately.

But at least I got three of the four to stay long enough to get one good picture.  I have to say that this is on of my favorite pictures of them together.  Too bad it's missing Maddie, but she did cooperate for a shot by herself.

As the time drew near for trick-or-treaters to arrive, Maddie took her favorite post to watch out the window.  She does this every year in anticipation of our visitors.  

It was a good Halloween night.  The weather was perfect and I was able to sit out on the front porch to hand out candy while the girls stayed inside to watch the kids.  Peaches stood in the door, often joined be Imke so that they didn't miss a thing.  Maddie, on the other hand, decided to take a nap.   It was a great night and a great Halloween season with lots of good memories.  We checked a lot of items off Peaches bucket list and continue to enjoy the time we have left with Imke.  I know Halloween is always one of her favorite times of the year.  I'm so glad we were able to enjoy it all together. 

As a bonus, I thought I would share a couple of throwback picture to Halloween gone by...all the way back to the original two.   Poor Imke has suffered with me dressing her up her whole life.  Every year Imke was a princess and Jake was Super Jake...and then in 2010 we added a bumblebee.  Imke's princess costume stopped fitting so this was the last year as a princess, but I still have Jake's cape.  This was Maddie's first Halloween with us.

After a busy night of watching trick-or-treaters, there is always the post Halloween crash! It is exhausting being so cute!

The two pictures below are probably my favorite Halloween pictures ever.  These are from Halloween 2011.  This was Jake's last Halloween with us.  I love this picture of him with the girls playing in the background.  They were so much younger then!

Just look at those happy faces!